Vulcan Swearing Pinch

In elementary school I had a good friend named Shane.  We did lots of things together, but there was one problem - Shane knew how to swear and he did it a lot!  I would tell him to stop and five minutes later he'd let fly with another curse just to see me react.  I told him never to use that word again and two sentences later he'd say it twice just to emphasize it!

I told him it was a commandment: "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain" (Exodus 20:7) but he didn't care.  I assumed he was doing it to make me mad.  So in retribution I pinched that nerve right at the base of the neck just like the Vulcans do.  It only took a little while before I was really good at it and I could send Shane into convulsions of pain.  Even still he swore!  I figured he was trying to build up an immunity to my neck pinch, so I dug in harder, especially with some of the more serious swear words.

Before long we had our own Vulcan swearing game.  Shane would swear, I'd do the neck pinch, occasionally a tussle would follow until one of us was defeated.  It annoyed me that Shane would use cursing as a game, but with my self-righteous attitude I figured I was being the hero. Eventually the game grew old, we grew up, and after elementary school we lost track of each other.  It wouldn't have even made much of a memory for me except for the rest of the story.

Fourteen years later I had returned from my mission and was reacquainting myself with old friends.  I met Shane in passing, and we congratulated each other on successful missions.  It was good to see an old friend I remembered from elementary.  Turns out he had moved away for a while and had come back to our home town.

A little while later he met my mother in the grocery store and recognized her.  They had a talk, and he apparently asked her, "Did your son ever tell you what he did for me?"  She only barely remembered him, and asked what he meant.

"I came from a family that had plenty of struggles, and there was a lot of swearing in my home.  I picked up that bad language without even realizing it.  I had no idea my words were offensive until Scott started getting upset with me.  He would tell me to stop, and I would try, but my brain didn't even think about it, the words just popped out.  He used to pinch my neck to make me stop, and it hurt!  So eventually I got better at it, and I finally learned to recognize when I said those words, and after a long time and lots of work I managed to quit my swearing habit.  I worked hard to notice things that I did which weren't right, and I went to church more often, and I kept my life on track.  I guess you might say Scott is the reason I went on a mission.  I have always looked up to him."

When my mother told me this I was stunned.

I always assumed he was doing it on purpose, after all, how could he not know he was swearing?  Oh how I wish I had been kinder to a boy who was trying to overcome influences I knew nothing about!  I wish I had been encouraging rather than cruel.  There is a difference between attacking the sin, and attacking a sinner.  When the woman who had sinned came to the Lord he didn't do a neck pinch and tell her to quit, he said, "Thy sins are forgiven" (Luke 7:48).  How grateful I am that the Lord does not teach me lessons the way I have tried to teach others!

And yet I am stunned to realize a tiny thing to me had such an impact on my friend.  When I told him to quit swearing he may have acted like it was funny, he may have acted offended, but deep inside he was making decisions to change and improve his life.  I remember someone telling me to "keep talking, for who knows but what you might say something the angels will repeat".  I made a promise to never be ashamed to say what I think is right, and to be a better friend by kindly encouraging others to do what is right.  It may cause a fight, it may hurt, but if I am loving it will never ruin a friendship.  It may just bring my friend closer to the Lord Jesus Christ.