How to get along with a Mormon

I think I'd like to take a break from writing my stories for one entry that I have always wished to write.  Here is a list of things I wish other people - coworkers, friends, and neighbors - understood about me as part of my Mormon culture.

I love talking to you about my church.
The LDS religion has a strong culture and so we often come off as overbearing when we talk about church, so sometimes I hesitate to bring up the topic.  I worry you'll roll your eyes when the topic turns to religion, but it feels so GOOD to share things that have meant so much to me.  I don't want to be offensive or rude, so I may not bring it up unless you give me an opening on the topic.  You might be impressed with how thoughtful and organized my explanations can be.  I don't even care if you bring up offensive rumors or uncomfortable topics.  You'll find I have good answers and can defend my church without anger, feeling insulted, or getting flummoxed.  If you want to get on my good side quickly ask me about my beliefs and give me a chance to bear testimony and explain what I believe to be true.

I do not believe your church is evil.
I believe my church has answers that you can't find anywhere else, but that only makes sense - I am a Mormon for a reason.  Everyone is trying to seek God in some way and we are all trying to be a good person.  I do not believe that if you die before becoming a Mormon you are going straight to hell.  Mormons are unique in our beliefs about the afterlife, and if you ask I can explain what happens to people who do or don't accept our beliefs when they die.  I think you'll find we have more common ground than you guessed.  I often feel like people are hesitant to bring up religion with me because they don't want me to insult their church.

I like hearing about your beliefs too.
We believe in all truth whether it is found in other Christian faiths, in non-christian faiths, or among academic non-religious beliefs.  We feel like we are the most open to other religions, Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, you name it.  That's why I get so mad at people who claim we believe only Mormons have value.  I like understanding your religious culture, what you think, and how you try to be the best you can.  If we put our heads together I bet we can come with ideas that would help us both live better.


I know other Mormons if they are in my ward.
When someone discovers I am Mormon they usually follow it up with, "Oh, do you know So-and-so who is Mormon?"  The answer depends a lot on whether they are within my ward.  A ward is a geographically defined area, and everyone in that area goes to church at the same time.  Usually there are about 200 members in a ward.  You quickly become close friends with everyone in your ward.  Five or six wards together make a "stake" and I meet people in my stake every few months.  So don't be afraid to ask if I know your LDS friend, and if they're in my ward I'll be excited to meet a friend of my fellow ward member.


I have a church calling that is important.
The daily operations of the church is managed by the members.  The church leaders (with inspiration) choose what calling I have, and I would not refuse the call to serve unless I felt God wanted me to.  I don't seek certain jobs, they are not paid, and I have some calling pretty much at all times.  They range from teaching classes to organizing activities.  I feel like it is a call from God, and I need to serve the Lord while balancing a real job, family, and friends.  Some callings take up time or make me rearrange my schedule, but I hope my friends and coworkers understand how important it is to me and are willing to work with me.

I need to go home teaching.
Besides my church calling I am also a home teacher.   As a home teacher I have three or so families that I visit every month with my companion.  The two of us will visit the family sharing a message and checking on how they are doing.  That means I'm trying to juggle four busy schedules to set up appointments.  On the rare occasion that I need to schedule home teaching during work hours or some other awkward time I would like my friends and coworkers to be supportive and understanding.  When my LDS friends say they have home teaching I always consider that a high priority.

Going to the temple is serious.
The temple is a place to covenant to be more like Christ and receive promises of blessings in return.  It is different from church the way a steak is different from a hamburger.  I believe it boosts my resolve and gives me spiritual power to fight temptations.  I also believe evil tries to work against anyone who plans a temple trip.  It seems like as soon as I say I'm going to the temple everything goes wrong.  The car breaks down, the kids get in a fight, a required meeting is scheduled, and a road trip to the nearest temple seems impossible.  It is my test to see if I truly want to get to God's temple.  I love it when friends hear that I am trying to go to the temple and they clear the path for me.  They offer to take kids, meet people, or turn in reports so that I can get on the road.  It shows they understand and support me like soldiers in the battle of life.

Remember my diet restrictions.
I cannot drink coffee, alcohol, or tea.  I have been to social functions where the only drink offered was iced tea, and I have to try to go out and find a drinking fountain.  When the dessert has alcohol dribbled on it I feel like I've been forgotten.  I'm not asking for special treatment, but a little water for those who don't drink coffee sure it nice.  And don't think that serving apple juice in wine glasses is going to count - I won't want to be seen with that in my hand.  When I see coffee and tea to one side with soda or water on the other I feel like someone remembered me.

I like it when you don't swear.
It is called "profanity" because it profanes something sacred.  I am expected to speak of God and sex in proper ways, so I try to not use swear words.  This doesn't mean sex or religion is taboo - I can talk about them without embarrassment, but profanity treats them as meaningless.  I don't feel offended when others swear, but I like when people watch their language around me.  Wh
en I hear lots of cussing it's easier for a swear word to come to mind, so I prefer to hear clean language.  Those who watch their mouth around me are showing respect for my beliefs.

Family is everything.
The work of our Heavenly Father is to help us - his children.  Being a good husband and father is the closest I can get to being like God.  There is no other success that can compensate for my failure in the home.  This does not mean work, friends, church, or hobbies are not important, but it means I always want to know my family is being taken care of.  I like it when a work social invites me to bring my children.  My friends understand that I might miss out on a fun activity to be with my kids.  I hang scribbled pictures on my office wall with pride.  When my boss helps me take of my family I take care of what my boss needs.  If you understand that my family matters most to me then you'll know what motivates me.

Forgive my mistakes.
Being Mormon doesn't mean I'm magic.  I feel temptations, I get angry, and I have unrighteous desires just like anyone.  Someone who really knows me might catch me doing something wrong.  I often worry  that my mistakes will change what you think of my church.  The truth is I'm not any better than any other person, even though I try to be like Jesus.  I don't mind if you call me on it - you can remind me that I want to live at a higher standard.  I ask that you forgive me for my faults and help me be better, and I'll try to support you in whatever ways you want support.

Questions to start a conversation that don't argue doctrine:


Where do your ancestors come from?
What is your church calling?
What church calling have you enjoyed the most?
If you chose a mission where did you go?
How many families do you home teach?
What made you fall in love with your wife?
How are your kids doing?
What do you like to do for Family Home Evening?
Where are you reading in the scriptures?
What is your favorite book of scripture?
What is your favorite hymn?
What made you decide to become a Mormon?