Lord I Would Follow Thee

When I was 11 my older brother Chad got the coolest ever computer game.  I loved to watch him play the game, even when it was past my bedtime.  Chad had a later bedtime because he was older.  The computer was downstairs where our bedrooms were, so when my Mom told me to go to bed I simply waited until she went back upstairs and then went back into to watch the game.
A few minutes later my mother called down,  "Chad, did Scott go to bed?"
I pled with my brother, "Say yes!  I should be able to stay up as late as you!  I did go to bed, so you wouldn't be lying!  Please!  I just want to see how this part of the game turns out, back me up brother!"
Chad said, "NO!  He snuck back in and is watching me play."
Mother: "Well make sure he goes to bed!"
Oooo!  I gave him the death glare.  That treacherous traitor!  "Thanks a lot man.  You almost got me busted.  Now let's find out what happens on this island..."
To my surprise Chad said, "Scott.  Go. To. Bed."
"Who made you Dad?  C'mon, if it was me you know I'd let you hang out with me.  Remember when I let you change the channel?  Remember how I stayed out of your way when your friends were here? I'm not bugging you I'll just sit here quietly."
Next thing I knew I had been pushed outside, the door was locked.  I yelled through the door to make sure Chad knew how horrible he was, and sulked off to my room.

Ooo!  I was mad!  I had done so much for my brother and at the first chance he gets he betrays me?  What makes it ok for him to be on the computer and not me?  There would be no forgiveness for him in this world or the next.  I would officially hate my brother and I could make his life miserable!  What rotten luck that the circuit breaker is in the computer room.  My other ideas involved ruining the computer room door in some way, and I knew then I'd be in trouble.
Before I go to bed I always say a prayer, so out of pure obligation and habit I started my nightly prayer.  I told the Lord what an awful brother I had just in case He was planning on blessing that jerk anytime soon.  I made sure heaven knew how unfair it was, and how unfair my life was in general.  At the end I even prayed, "in fact Chad doesn't deserve to be on the computer.  Please bless that computer to break or explode so that my brother can't use it anymore!"  Then I ended my prayer in the name of the Lord.

As soon as I said "amen" I listened.....

I guess I wasn't really expecting anything to happen, I mean what was the chance? To my shock and horror....

Nothing happened.  Still nothing happened.  Ooo!  Even heaven is against me!  I saw my scriptures sitting there, and my parents encouraged me to read them every night.  As if.  The Lord is too busy to bother with me, do you think I'm going to read that boring book?  I lay in bed angry and hurt.  The thought occurred to me that hymns were like scriptures, but not quite as boring.  I could see my hymn book there... maybe I could find something to comfort a victim like me.

"There is sunshine in my soul today!"

No, that's definitely not the right hymn.  I tried randomly opening it a second time, hymn 220

"Savior may I learn to love thee
Walk the path that thou hast shown
Pause to help and lift another
Finding strength beyond my own
Savior, may I learn to love thee
Lord, I would follow thee"

Well, I certainly knew about walking the Lord's path, after all he was betrayed and hated, persecuted and beaten.  We had a lot in common that way.  The very fact that I had survived my own family was a testament to finding strength beyond my own.  I hate that brother.  I should go sing this to him.  Did he pause to help and lift me?  Well, when judgment day comes I bet he's going to regret this.  I'll try not to say "I told you so." I've sung this song an hundred times.  I skimmed to the last verse,

"Savior may I love my brother"

WHAT!  Give me one good reason why I should!

"As I know thou lovest me"

Oh.
This gave me pause.  Have you ever been smacked by the spirit?  It's a life changing experience.  As I sat there thought after thought came hammering into my head.  What had the Savior done for me?  Lived, taught, suffered, died... I'd had prayers answered, I'd felt the power of God.  The Lord blessed me with a family, they were blessed with the money to have a computer, and how did I thank the Lord?  By praying for that computer to explode so it could hurt my brother.  My thoughts landed on times when I had done something wrong while thinking about how wrong it was.  The Savior had been kind and loving to me, but I had pushed him out of my room and locked the door.  He had every reason to hate me

And what had he said?  "Father forgive Scott, for he knows not what he does" (my Luke 23:34).   Even now my punishment was a lecture which was designed to make me feel better.  "Neither do I condemn you, now go and sin no more" (John 8:11) The Savior was betrayed, but never mean.  What would the Savior have really done?  I realized the issue wasn't about Chad at all, it was about me obeying my mother.  Was Chad helping me to be obedient?  It was almost too much to handle at once.

"Savior may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me
Find in thee my strength my beacon
For thy servant I would be
Savior may I love my brother
Lord, I would follow thee."

I was the worlds greatest hypocrite.  Why was I so worked up over a stupid computer game?  Was I going to risk my spiritual tie to the Lord for a chance to disobey my Mom?  First thing I did was to promise myself I would never tell anyone this story.  Then I said a second prayer.  This one was very different from the first.
"Please forgive me, I have been prideful and I missed the point.  I thank thee for getting things back on track."
When I crawled into bed the anger and pain were gone.  It was a calm happy feeling that I just figured out what life was really about.  The last thing I remember before falling asleep was my brother going to bed.