Missing the Final

I have noticed that the rising generation has a "reset button" attitude towards life. I think it comes from playing computer games, where if you mess you, you just hit "reset" and try again.

Assignment due tomorrow?

"Oh, I don't want to do it today, I'll just turn it in late."

Forgot to do the project?

"Oh yeah, I've been meaning to do that. I'll have it done before the final."

Got a zero for the homework?

"Yeah, I need to go talk to the teacher about that so I can get my points on it."

But every now and then it hits home that I can't just say "Sorry" and have everything fixed. Cold hard deadlines force me to face the reality that sometimes you only get one shot at things. Deadlines like "The final is Tuesday at 11:00am."

I took Abstract Algebra from Dr. Freden, and it was not an easy class to understand. The subject is difficult to test, so there was only one exam: The final, and it was worth 60% of the grade in the class. In other words, if you miss this, you're in big trouble.

Yes, I missed the final. But that's the end of the story. The life changing experience happened when I realized it, and in order to tell the story you have to understand how it happened.

The final was from 11:00am to 1:00pm.  I mentally stored both those times in my head and figured I didn't need to worry about it.  I was doing well in the class, and I should have been able to handle the final without trouble.  I didn't need to write it down, don't need a calendar, and certainly don't need to stress about it.

I worked in the math tutoring lab, and a week before the final my boss approached me.  He needed me to cover a shift on that day from 9:00am to 1:00pm.  I mentally checked what I had going on that day, and I remember that would be the day of my final, and I remembered 1:00pm as being the time for the final, so I would end my shift and head to the final.  Yeah, no problem, I can do that.

Of course you have already figured out that my final didn't start at 1:00pm, it ended at 1:00pm, but I didn't remember that part.  I was doing fine in the class, and I didn't need to check on silly details like that.  I figured I didn't really need to study, and everything would work out just fine.

Before you say, "Oh, anyone could make a mistake like that" remember that Dr. Freden had told us all in class AFTER I scheduled my work shift that the final would be from 11:00am to 1:00pm.  It was there in my notes.  Why didn't it click?  I can only say I figured it was a little thing, and not something I needed to worry about.

Alma said, "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise" (Alma 37:6).  What he was saying was be careful about the stuff that seems so insignificant, but our celestial grade depends on them.

If you read your scriptures at night, but you go to bed so late that you can't keep your eyes open you are guilty of the same sin as me.  If you forget to check your laundry on Saturday so that you have to wash your church shirt on the Sabbath you're guilty of the same sin as me.  If you have ever thought to yourself that you would repent and change your life before you have to face God you're guilty of the same sin as me.

The math lab died about a half hour before my "final started" at 1:00pm, and my boss told me to head out and prepare.  I figured thirty minutes was more than enough time, 'cause I was totally ready.  I sat at a computer, pulled out my notes and read "Final: 11:00am to 1:00pm"

!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not a psychologist, but I noticed I passed through these phases:
"No no no no no no no no no - If I say no enough times this won't be true"
"Check again.  Check again.  Log into the class webpage and check there"
"Ok, how can I fix this - I need to not work this morning's shift so I don't miss the final"
"How can I change the final time?  I need to get it rescheduled real quick"
"What was I thinking?  How could I be so stupid?  Maybe I don't deserve to pass!"
"It's my bosses fault!  It's the teacher's fault!  Why didn't someone tell me I was missing it!"
"whatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo? WhatdoIdo?"

I looked at my watch: 12:35pm
As I ran full tilt to my class I found my mantra was "Please don't let this be happening.  Please don't let this be happening.  Wake up - wake up!"

That run left a permanent impression on me.  During that run I felt fear and panic that I never want to feel again.  This class was important, and it was only offered once each year.  Imagine if this story was about my eternal soul.  This life is offered once every eternity.  What if I got a note saying "Time to meet God and report on your entire life, 1:00pm".  Would I feel panicked and afraid?

Alma put it this way: "I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of your repentance until the end; for after this day of life, which is given us to prepare for eternity, behold, if we do not improve our time while in this life, then cometh the night of darkness wherein there can be no labor performed. Ye cannot say, when ye are brought to that awful crisis, that I will repent, that I will return to my God. Nay, ye cannot say this; for that same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world. For behold, if ye have procrastinated the day of your repentance even until death, behold, ye have become subjected to the spirit of the devil, and he doth seal you his; therefore, the Spirit of the Lord hath withdrawn from you, and hath no place in you, and the devil hath all power over you; and this is the final state of the wicked." (Alma 34: 33-35)

I burst into the classroom and found the other 15 students finishing their exam.  One remarked, "Oh, hey, look who decided to show up!"  My shame and stress was so high I could not find any response.  I grabbed the exam, looked at the clock, and for the next 20 minutes I suffered.  Lead poured over my exam, my heart poured out to God, and my sweat poured from my forehead.

The analogy is fairly good because the teacher was as kind as God.  He explained that he could give me an extra 30 minutes, but then he had another appointment, and he could offer no more.  I focused on doing what was right with all my energy.  The end of the story is merciful, I accomplished enough to pass the class with a good grade.

Heavenly Father works the same way.  He allows us extra time - time to live and grow.  Time to repent.  Even after this life there is time.  "And thus we see, that there was a time granted unto man to repent, yea, a probationary time, a time to repent and serve God." (Alma 42:4)  So I don't let mistakes of the past stop me from growing, but I want to make sure that I am ready to meet my maker.  I have felt the terror of missing the critical deadlines, so when the time comes to stand before Jesus and answer for my life, I hope to say, "I am ready."