Taking out your Endowments

There are some things I think most church members can explain very well.  For example, the Word of Wisdom, where we go when we die, or how to know what is God's truth.  There are other topics that perhaps are not explained well, and sometimes we don't even realize it.  The following story made me think about how well I explain the purpose of the temple.

When Teasha and I decided to get married we chose the St. George temple.  A few weeks before our marriage date Teasha went through the temple to get her endowments taken out.  This was a lot change;  Teasha was the oldest of the children, and this was the first time their six person family was being altered.  Her youngest brother Kurt seemed a little uncertain about all the change, and I assumed he was just adjusting to the idea that we would be married.  The day we left for St. George to take out Teasha's endowments he gave his older sister a very heartfelt goodbye.  Later that day when she returned he rushed to check that she was ok.  His intensity was a little higher than expected.  She said,

"Yeah, Kurt, I'm fine, really, it was a beautiful experience, why?"
"Well, you know, I heard they were going to take out your endowments.  Did it hurt?"

Everyone thought it was funny.  Then I started to think about how I explain the temple, and perhaps it's not Kurt's fault that he didn't understand what it meant.  The temple is very sacred, and so I do not talk about it the same way I talk about church.  There are some things that God has asked us to go to the temple and learn, so it would be inappropriate to discuss it here.  But sometimes that means I hesitate to say anything, and that makes it easy to misunderstand what goes on in the temple.

An "endowment" is a gift, something the Lord wants to bestow upon us as soon as we are worthy.  To take out our endowments means to receive the promise of blessings from the Lord.  The other side would be a "sacrifice" where we try to give something to the Lord.  In the temple we do both.  To "take out your endowments" means to covenant with Heavenly Father in such a way that we promise to sacrifice everything for Him, and He promises to bless us with Eternal Life.    It shows the optimism of the Saints that we choose to refer to the temple by the blessings that we will receive after proving ourselves faithful.

One rule about the temple is that you have to be physically there to get the promised blessings.  That means those who have died cannot get the temple blessings because they are spirits and do not have a body.  This actually a great mercy.  Those who do still have bodies can go through the temple in the name of someone who has died (it is called going "by proxy" or going "for the dead").  Our ancestors in the spirit world feel connected to us as they wait for our service.  We feel connected to our forefathers by taking out endowments in their name.  In the temple another physical ordinance, baptism, can also be done in the name of those who have died.  This is why Malachi said, "And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers," (Malachi 4:6).  By making the temple a physical ordinance the whole human race connects like a family.  This is why genealogy (or tracing family history) is so important.

If  you are curious as to what sacrifices and blessings are promised in the temple read Genesis.  Adam and Eve learned very quickly about making sacrifices, and they also learned the great blessings that come from it.  The covenant God made with Abraham has more detail.  Abraham promised to sacrifice everything, even his own son if required (as a symbol of Christ no less).  God promised Abraham several blessings, including "I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed" (Genesis 12:3).   It should be no surprise that the blessings of the temple are designed to bless all people as families.

In fact if anything could trump taking out your endowments it would be getting sealed.  We don't call it "getting married" because the world's method is "until death do us part".  In the temple we are sealed together for life, death, and eternity beyond that.  It is a huge deal that has echoes forever, and it is a blessing that can only be endowed in the temple of God.  We explained the purpose of the temple to Kurt, and a few week later Teasha and I went to be sealed in the temple.

Kurt was old enough to do baptisms for the dead, but not to be there where we were sealed.  We explained to him that it was not because the Lord wants to exclude people from the temple; it's because we need to show that we can handle the sacrifices before we make more covenants with the Lord.  That requires time and experience in the Lord's church.  In Exodus it was only the family of Aaron that could go to the temple.  Now it is open to anyone who proves themselves worthy.  My new wife and I made a point to encourage Kurt to plan on taking out his endowments in the temple of God because we want to bless his family, bless our family, and bless every family on Earth.

Husband: That's a Good Idea

One late night in Denver Teasha made a run to the store.  As she pulled up to the cashier with a cart full of groceries the kind lady mentioned that Teasha had quite a load of food.  My wife explained that she was hoping to cook some new recipes, but she also needed basic stuff that the toddler Thomas would eat.  The cashier asked Teasha what her job was.  Teasha said she stayed at home to care for her child.

This woman gave her a shocked look: "You don't work, but you can afford all this food?!  I would love to stay at home with my baby, but I have to come here to earn money.  How on Earth can you buy a cart full of food if you don't have a job?"

To Teasha the answer was so obvious she couldn't understand why this lady looked perplexed, "Well, my husband works... he's an actuary and I stay home when he goes to work."

The cashier said, "Aaah!  I see, a husband.  That's a good idea.  I can see how that could work."

No kidding - no sarcasm, she genuinely had forgotten that people used to get married, and that mothers used to stay home and care for their children.  In a world where divorce is expected and mothers who stay home are lazy I think we may see more of this in the future.  Teasha was astonished that this woman had not seriously thought of being married to the father of her child.  Perhaps the time will come that a home with two parents will be considered wierd.

When marriage became unimportant in ancient times the Lord said, "And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, That the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose.And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man," (Genesis 6:1-3).   The next story in the Bible is the flood.  If we lose marriage from our society we will be in danger of great curses from the Lord.  He is too merciful to allow more children to grow up in a culture where families are not united in love.

I have tried to teach my children to expect marriage, and to see the roles of mother and father as sacred.  I want them to consider their children more precious than all the gold in the world, "For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Matthew 16:26).  If they hope to get into heaven alone they will be dissapointed, for "neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 11:11).  For my daughter having a husband is not just a good idea, it is a commandment.

The Lethal Grade

Being a teacher can be a lot of fun.  I get to see a different group of clientele every semester, and often there are students who were certain they would do poorly, and they are thrilled to realize they can understand the class.  Then there are other students who make teaching not so fun.... the ones who are certain they deserve an A, and they are dumbfounded when they realize they will not pass.  Then they desperately cast about for some way to save themselves.

One of the teachers who inspired me to pursue academics was Mark Leavitt.  One semester we had worked with an elderly student I will call Bill.  Bill had been in the army decades before, and was now trying to go back through school to better his career options.  I tutored him for his math class that was taught by Mark.  Unfortunately math was not his strong subject.  His grade in introductory algebra was below 50%, but his goal was to earn an A in the course.  Towards the end of the semester it was clear reality would hit hard.

Bill walked into Mark's office, closed the door, and explained that his veteran benefits were paying for him to go through school, and with that funding he was purchasing some heart medication that was keeping him alive.  Unless he got an A in the algebra course he would lose his VA scholarship, he would not be able to afford his heart medication, and he would die.  "Basically, give me an A in this course or I will die."

I remember both men coming out of the office mad.  Bill was angry that his teacher would not save his life.  The teacher was angry that Bill would not only pressure him to lie about his grade, but threaten to blame him for killing him.  It wasn't pleasant.  Bill flunked.  No he did not die.

I guess in college you learn more than just math and statistics.  Sometimes you learn about personal responsibility.  "Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil;"  (2 Nephi 2:27).  You get the grade in life that you decide to earn, and there is no one else you can blame.  When judgement day comes God will not listen to "He didn't let me be as righteous as I wanted to be."

"Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." (Matthew 7:22-23).  But I came to class most of the time!  I tried to do the homework!  Just let me into heaven because I really really want to.


I have seen this mentality since,
"I must pass, or I will lose my scholarship!"
"I need a B or I won't get into medical school!"
"My parents are coming to see me graduate - but I need to pass your class!"
Or my favorite:
"If I don't pass the army will ship me to Afghanistan where I will be shot!"

I try to be sympathetic, but I cannot allow a passing grade in my class mean someone had a good excuse.  Keep in mind their GPA is a mixture of several grades, not just my class.  The rules are clearly defined at the beginning, and I cannot change the rules for one student, and not change them for another.  To be truly just I have to give the students the grade they earn based on the rules in the class syllabus.  To make exceptions would mean a degree from my university doesn't really mean anything.

So how do you pass the class?  There's only one way, "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5:48).  Would you like to check your current grade standing?  "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" (Romans 3:23).  In other words, you're flunking life.  But don't freak out yet, there is an extra credit assignment that can save you.  "And now, my beloved brethren, I would that ye should come unto Christ, who is the Holy One of Israel, and partake of his salvation, and the power of his redemption. Yea, come unto him, and offer your whole souls as an offering unto him, and continue in fasting and praying, and endure to the end; and as the Lord liveth ye will be saved." (Omni 1:26)

You May Now Kiss the Bride

These days we are flooded with things that are neither good nor bad, depending on the circumstances.  The challenge of youth today is to determine when things are appropriate and under what conditions.  The following story illustrates what I mean.

Teasha has some friends (who I choose to simply call the Bride and the Groom).  They were getting married in the temple, and everything was just like the perfect Mormon wedding should be.  The sealing room was packed with friends and family.  The sealer gave them some wonderful advice, and they covenanted with the Lord to hold their marriage sacred.  When the ordinance was completed the sealer said,

"Now there are some traditions which are not part of the temple ceremony, but since that ceremony is now complete you may exchange rings if you like, and you may now kiss the bride."

They gave each other rings as all the grandmothers oooo'ed.  Then the groom leaned in to give his new wife a kiss.

And they kissed

And they moved in and kept kissing.  The kissing became passionate and the hold a little tighter.  Some of the guests began to get a little uncomfortable.

With arms wrapped around each other they were enjoying their first kiss.   An older gentleman cleared his throat.  The looks around the room slowly changed from nostalgia to panic.

And they kissed

One of the relatives finally moved in and interrupted the make out scene.  The bride and groom looked around smiling and left to get ready for pictures outside.

After such a wonderful eternal ordinance was over, what do you think people talked about?  Was it the sacred nature of the marriage covenant, the spirit felt within the walls of the temple, or their desire for the couple to find joy throughout their life?  No.  It was the make out scene in the sealing room.
"Can you believe that kiss?  I think they forgot we were there..."
"I haven't seen kissing like that since I was at the movies...."
"I was wondering if it would ever end..."

Which made me think: "What was inappropriate?"

Was it wrong for them to kiss like that?   No!  They were married, and they had every right to kiss.  That's part of the point of marriage, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:24).  There is nothing wrong with the idea that a man would passionately kiss his wife.  I find great joy in marriage, and it would make me sad if my friends didn't understand that one of the blessings of marriage is the closeness that they can now share, including romantic kisses.

Were they not supposed to be in the temple?  Of course they were supposed to be there.  That is where God has told us to get married: "if a man marry a wife by my word, ... and it is sealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of promise, ... it shall be done ... in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; ... to their exaltation and glory." (D&C 132:19)  It would have been sad if they had chosen to not seek the blessings of the temple.  That sealing room that day was the right time and place for them to be.

So while each piece was good, the combination was inappropriate.  We do not choose the sealing room of the temple surrounded by family to have a personal moment of passion.  I share this story because it is humorous, but more serious problems are common.  Have you wondered who writes the list of swear words?

Swearing is also known as profanity, meaning "to profane", or to take something sacred and use it at the wrong time.  Think of the curse words you know, they probably refer to either sex or God.  Those two topics are so very sacred that we treat them differently, and we don't talk about them flippantly.  "Wherefore, let all men beware how they take my name in their lips" (D&C 63:61) To use the name of God or his Son, his kingdom, or his power as though you were God is like saying, "I know how God should run his kingdom better than God does".  That type of blasphemy is offensive to others, and so those words are swear words.  To talk about sex, the sexual organs, or acts related to them in a joking manner is like saying, "God made rules about sexuality, but I know how to treat it better than God does".  That's blasphemy, it's profane, and it's offensive to others.  We call those swear words.  There may be a last category which is words that demean another race or group of people.  That qualifies as hate speech, and hate is always offensive.

This is the tricky part, it doesn't mean that sex is bad, or we should avoid God.  It means we need to learn how to appropriately treat sacred things.  Since the world is losing it's ability to know what is sacred we must rely on the scriptures and the teachings of the gospel.  For example, "Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain." (Exodus 20:7).  I am learning to discern what is sacred and when I treat them with reverence they bring me great joy.  Oh, and I learned that when you are told "you may now kiss the bride" you should just give a quick smooch.

Calling Roger

When my father was a councilor in the Stake Presidency he was asked to call a new Sunday School President.  He dedicated himself to prayer and pondering.  As he thought about it he decided a man in the stake named Roger would be a good pick.  Roger always faithfully attended church with his wife Diana and their children.  He looked up Roger in the ward list and asked him to bring in his wife for an interview.

He sat down with this good man and his wife, and explained that he wanted Roger to be the Sunday School President.  He explained some of the duties that would be required, which is why he asked Roger's wife to be there.  At the end he asked if they would accept the call.  He accepted the call.  My father asked if anyone had any questions.

Roger asked, "Just one: Why did you ask me?  I haven't been to church in years."

My dad blinked and thought.  Suddenly it occurred to him that Diana had brown hair, but this woman had black hair.  He said,

"Well, it's like I was explaining to your wife... um.... I am so sorry, I've forgotten your name..."
"My name's Tiffany"

Then it clicked.
There are two Rogers in my dad's stake, and this was the other Roger.  He had called the wrong Roger.

My Dad leaned back and prayed.  The steps for receiving revelation are simple: "But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right." (D&C 9:8).  He had given it serious thought, and he felt good about it when he made the call.  He felt good about it as he talked with this brother.  He felt good about it when he had asked him to accept the call.  It made sense that this was a good man to fill this position.  "Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart." (D&C 8:2).   My father asked the Lord if this was the right Roger to be the Sunday School President.  His heart told him it was.

"Well, Roger, honestly I don't know.  I prayed and pondered, and you were the one the Lord led me to.  This calling will require inspiration, so I guess it is fitting that you were called by inspiration."

Apparently Roger was a full participator in the church as of that day.  He fulfilled that calling perfectly and others after that.  The hand of the Lord was evident.  I have asked my dad why he thinks the Lord did things that way instead of prompting him to call the right Roger in the first place.  My dad doesn't know, perhaps he wouldn't have accepted the prompting, perhaps he needed to learn about accepting the Lord's way, maybe it allowed him to give this brother the right approach.  What I have learned is to move forward when the Lord asks me to do something.  It  can be tempting to let mistakes - even accidental ones - stop me from continuing forward, but "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

The Evil Mormons Book

One of my mission cities was Tijucas, and as we would walk home we frequently passed a little gas station that still offered full service.  As part of the service a young man named Alixandre would stand out on the sidewalk waiting for customers.  It became routine for us to stop and invite this young man to visit church on Sunday.  His response was classic for a Brazilian: "Yeah, someday I'll go there!"  Which in the Brazilian language means "Not in the next three thousand years."

One fateful day We stopped by and chatted about work, the weather, and we told him that he ought to come by on Sunday and visit the church.  He smiled and droned "Yeah, one day I'll be there" and my companion and I got the distinct impression he wasn't even thinking about what he was saying.  After we left, however, one of Alixandre's coworkers rushed over,

"Did I see you talking to those Mormons?"
"Yeah, sure, they're nice guys, why?"
"Oh no!  You don't want to get mixed up with them!  Did you know they have an evil Mormon's book?"
"Oh, yeah, I think they showed it to me once.  I didn't really pay attention"
"Well stay as far away as you can!  That book is all about how to worship the devil and they dance around golden candles at their church, and they teach you how to destroy the Bible!  When you are a tenth level Mormon you can read in that evil book how 'Mormon' means 'Christ hater'!"

So Alixandre showed up at church that week.  We were as surprised as anyone, but he didn't say a thing about why he was there or what he wanted to know, he just sat in the back and watched.  That ward has Sunday School first, and the youth lesson just happened to be on The Book of Mormon.

I thought it was a disappointingly boring lesson.  It said all the things we had already told Alixandre in the days that we had been talking to him.  That Mormon was an ancient American prophet, and he had a testimony of Jesus Christ.  Even though Christ was born in Jerusalem the people in ancient America had visions and revelations of Jesus, and they taught their children how Jesus was the Savior.  After the Lord was crucified and resurrected he appeared to these American inhabitants (that we now call Indians) and taught them.  Mormon, as a historian, compiled the works of God among his people and wrote it on plates of gold.  Then a modern prophet was given power by God to translate these writings into English.  It is meant to be scripture along side the Bible.  Both books help us learn about God.

Of course my companion and I are secretly watching Alixandre.  He's leaning back in the back of the classroom without any reaction.  We were worried because this was more of a history lesson than a scripture lesson.  In fact the only scriptures actually read came from the Bible, such as "And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd." (John 1:16).  We hoped the priesthood meeting would be more interesting.

The lesson in Priesthood was all about the Savior's death and resurrection.  Inside I was groaning.  There isn't a Brazilian alive that doesn't know the story of the crucifixion.  I figured there wasn't any part of the lesson that Alixandre couldn't hear in any other church, except some of the Book of Mormon references: "Behold, they will crucify him; and after he is laid in a sepulchre for the space of three days he shall rise from the dead, with healing in his wings; and all those who shall believe on his name shall be saved in the kingdom of God. Wherefore, my soul delighteth to prophesy concerning him, for I have seen his day, and my heart doth magnify his holy name." (2 Nephi 25:13).

Our last hope to really impress this investigator was sacrament meeting.  It was fast Sunday, so instead of a nice polished speech the members got up and simply stated that they knew this was the church of God, and that the Bible and Book of Mormon were from God, and the Jesus was the Savior.  I was waiting for someone to share a story about some great miracle, but in the end it was a very simple meeting.  At the end we approached Alixandre.  I decided to apologize for a boring day at church.

But I didn't.   My companion was in tune to the spirit, he simply asked Alixandre what he thought of church.  Then he shared with us what his coworkers had said about the evil Mormon book.  Again we bit our tongue and asked him what he thought.  He said the lesson had already answered his questions.  The talk about Christ had touched him, and the testimonies had converted him.  He was ready to read the Book of Mormon and to know more.

A year after I had returned home from my mission Alixandre wrote me a letter to tell me he was serving a mission of his own.  So often I hear people say negative and untruthful things about my church.  It is tempting to get defensive and want to fight.  Instead I have learned "What power shall stay the heavens? As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty from pouring down knowledge from heaven upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints." (D&C 121:33).  The Lord had a work for Alixandre to do, and the more evil tried to stop him the faster the Lord's purposes were accomplished.  There is no need to fear what the wicked may say, as long as the Lord is who we obey.

Stake Deer Hunt

It takes courage to admit a mistake, and even more so to publicly announce it.  My home stake, however, has an interesting story that took place in 1950.  It was a mistake that has made me think about my own justifications, and I am glad this story is often circulated in my home town.

In 1950 the Cedar City Stake  was preparing for their Stake Conference where Elder Joseph Fielding Smith would be attending.  I think it would be best if I just quote verbatim the letter that was sent:

Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, Acting Pres.
Council of the Twelve
Salt Lake City, Utah
Dear President Smith:
We are writing you regarding the dates scheduled for our next Stake Quarterly Conference.  The dates set for this conference are the 28th and 29th of October.  Due to the fact that October 28 this year is the opening date for deer season, we are wondering if you would care to give consideration to altering the date due to the fact that so many of our men would undoubtedly be out hunting on the opening day, which we anticipate would greatly curtail the attendance at the Saturday night priesthood meeting, as well as, our general session on Sunday the 29th.
We will appreciate your views regarding this matter.
Sincerely your brethren,
Cedar Stake Presidency.

One reason I love this story so much is because I can totally understand the thinking of the Stake Presidency.  How often do I find myself saying that in reality my goals to keep the Sabbath aren't going to work, so let's make plans for reality.   I'm going to end up watching something on TV, or I'm going to end up sleeping anyway, I might as well not try to pretend I'm focused on the Lord.  But this is not valid justification as the response shows, which I will include verbatim:

President
Cedar Stake of Zion
Cedar City, Utah.
Dear Brother:
I have your letter of September 13th, in which you ask if your stake conference cannot be changed to some other date than that which is assigned for your October conference.  The reason for this change being the fear of a poor attendance because of the opening of the deer season.
The brethren feel that it would be highly inconsistent for us to grant the change of the dates of a conference on grounds of that kind, and by doing so lend their tacit approval to the deliberate violation of the Sabbath day on the part of those who have not the faith to observe that day as the teachings of the Church require it.  This commandment, that we keep holy the Sabbath is one of the great fundamental commandments given by the Lord and included in the Decalogue.
It is our united judgement that it is better to hold the conference on the days appointed -- there are sixteen other stakes in which conferences will be held on that day -- and we will be in harmony with the teachings the Lord has given us, with the members who will be faithful to this commandment
I am sure that the Spirit of the Lord will be present and these members, though fewer in number will be edified
Very sincerely your brother,
Joseph Fielding Smith.

The Lord will never allow us to say, "Everyone else was doing it".  In fact Elisha clearly stated "they that be with us are more than they that be with them." (2 Kings 6:16).  The Lord does not lower the standards for any reason, "For I the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance" (D&C 1:31).  The harder it is for us to keep a commandment, the greater the blessings we will receive.  When I start to think that I have found a good reason to sin I remember my stake's letter, and reaffirm my goal to "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48).

Soup at Shoneys

One evening my family went out to eat at Shoneys, which is a sit-down type family restaurant.  As we were talking and eating my dad motioned for the waitress to come over.  He asked her to discreetly bring him the bill for the guy sitting a couple of tables away, and to just tell this guy that the bill was taken care of.

My mom leaned in to my father so that she could talk to him without the rest of us hearing.  That of course meant we worked extra hard to listen.  She asked my dad why he had paid for this strangers meal.

"Well, I noticed he came in and he doesn't have the nicest clothes, he only ordered the soup bar, but he filled his bowl several times.  I think he's genuinely down on his luck and very hungry.  I'm hoping this will help him out."

The waitress told the man that he would have no bill today, and that his dinner was taken care of.  This scruffy looking child of God stared at the waitress as though she was speaking Chinese, but he did not look upset.  My mom nodded in approval and the meal went on.

King Benjamin's speech is perfect here: "ye will not suffer that the beggar putteth up his petition to you in vain, and turn him out to perish.   Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just—  But I say unto you, O man, whosoever doeth this the same hath great cause to repent; and except he repenteth of that which he hath done he perisheth forever, and hath no interest in the kingdom of God.   For behold, are we not all beggars? Do we not all depend upon the same Being, even God, for all the substance which we have, for both food and raiment, and for gold, and for silver, and for all the riches which we have of every kind?"  (Mosiah 4:16-19).  My father had just demonstrated what it really means to notice the poor, and help them.  He did it remembering, "when ye shall do your alms do not sound a trumpet before you, as will hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men." (Matthew 6:2).

But surprisingly this isn't the lesson I actually want to emphasize with this story.  I the really important part is that I still remember exactly what happened.  My mom and dad probably don't remember, they helped people out all the time.  They tried to be discreet which means they don't expect me to have noticed.  And yet that experience is engraved into my memory.  That example of charity and compassion has had a bigger impact on me than hundreds of lectures and lessons.  I have since tried to notice when someone around me is hurting or needing help, and I commit to myself that I will be willing to sacrifice to serve them.

I want to do good because my children will see it, even when I try to hide it, and they will forever remember what love and service really mean.  The Lord said, "Therefore I give unto you a commandment, to teach these things freely unto your children" (Moses 6:58).  I don't remember a lot of the things my father said, but a bowl of soup at Shoneys is a lesson I can never forget.

Metal Handlebars

Have you ever gone to bed with a fly in the room?  I usually tell myself "I'll am so tired, I'll just go to sleep anyway.  It's such a small bug."  But then just as I am drifting off...

eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeee

And I end up flailing out of bed desperately trying to catch the fly in the dark.  Eventually I decide it's just not going to work and I might as well deal with the problem.  The lights come on, the towel whip is equipped, and a full on battle ensues.

The spirit sometimes works like that for me.  I am ashamed to say it, but often I learn what the spirit is from the times it has left me.  I usually don't notice it so much while I am busy with the day and working, but at night when I go to bed it will hit me.  I think it's because that's the time when I finally calm down and allow myself to think and feel.

reeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeepent

Oh yeah, turns out there was something today that I need to repent of, but it's such a small thing.  I'll just go to sleep and think about it tomorrow.  And the spirit quietly reminds me until I feel like I must do something.  Let me give an example from when I was 14.

I used to deliver an afternoon newspaper.  I prided myself on getting the paper right up to the door, which sometimes required me to ride my bike right up to the front porch.  My old bike used to have beautiful handlebars, but age and use had worn away the rubber grips, which exposed the metal handlebars.  One day while half day dreaming I rode past a customers truck and leaned too far.

screeeeEEEEEEeeeech!

My metal handlebar put nice scratch along the side of the truck.  I was horrified.  My dad sells cars, so I know how much a scratch devalues a vehicle.  Remember that I was raised in the church, and I listened to all my primary lessons, read scriptures and prayed, so you can probably guess what I did.

I looked around, and when no one seemed to have seen me I took off.  For the next three blocks I was looking over my shoulder, and I wandered past that street twice just to make sure no one was out looking at the truck.  By the time I got home I figured I must have gotten away with it.

My mother greeted me home, and soon dinner was set.  Not much was said while we waited for dinner, but when my mom and dad sat down they began to have a discussion,
"How was your day, anything interesting happen?"
"Not really."
"Oh, well why don't you tell us something you learned at school?"

I couldn't believe my luck.  I actually got away with it.  No one called my parents, and if they knew I scratched it they would have said something.  I was home free, and as I snuggled into bed I counted myself lucky for having dodged that bullet.

reeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeepent

You know, the right thing would have been to tell someone.  Since I didn't if I had gotten caught it would have been a lot worse.  Of course I didn't get caught, so now I'm really glad I didn't say anything.

beeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeelieve?

Of course I believe in the teachings of the church, and yes I believe all my primary teachers when they tell me I'm supposed to confess.  I believe I will be blessed for choosing the right thing, but darn it!  Can't I sometimes pick to miss out on the blessing of confession when I know I would get in big trouble?  Give me one good reason I should go through that pain.

jeeeeeeEEEEEEEEeeeeesus

I guess the savior didn't refuse the right thing when he knew it would be painful.  Unlike me, however, he didn't deserve the pain he endured.  "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:  Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:" (1 Peter 2:21-22).  I knew I would get no peace until I had repented.  "By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." (D&C 58:43).  I needed to tell my parents.

I got out of bed, told my parents, and they explained what might happen.  It didn't matter how bad things got anymore, I had felt what it was like to be missing the spirit, and I was committed to seeing it through.  My dad talked to the owner of the truck.  He said that truck already had scratches on it, and it would have more, so don't worry about it.  I was sent back to bed.

As I laid there I was again thinking how lucky I was, but this time it was different.  I hadn't ignored the spirit, I had done what I knew was right, and whether it was a big problem or not I was willing to fix it.  As I curled into the blankets I found a good word for what it's like to have a clean conscience: peace.