Cleaning the Centrum Dirty

After my mission I worked for the Centrum at SUU, which was a large basketball arena. My job was to be a custodian for several classrooms around the arena. The hallway that ran around the Centrum had a vaulted ceiling at least 30 feet high. One day after a crowded concert we found a massive wad of paper towel that had been drenched in water and thrown on the wall. It was about 25 feet in the air and because it had dried it was stuck like glue.

After some debate on how to get it I attached several poles together with a scrubby at the end. It took a huge effort to get the poles up to the right spot. Finally we knocked the wad off the wall and scrubbed the extra pieces off. I was proud of the accomplishment until the boss said, "Aw crud! Look what we did to the wall!"

The walls of the Centrum were white, or at least I thought they were. Looking at the spot we had just cleaned it shone with a shiny bright white, and it made the rest of the wall look dingy. The boss sighed, "We just cleaned the whole rest of the building dirty."

Sometimes repentance is like that. Once you get one part of your life fixed up it makes you realize how many other pieces are dingy too. As I improve my scripture reading I find myself pondering how well I write in my journal, how often I visit the temple, how faithfully I follow the prophet's council to grow a garden. Because I have repented in one area all the walls of my spiritual Centrum start to look a bit gray.

Of course there was debate for how to do a quick fix on the Centrum wall. All sorts of ideas on how to smudge up that spot until it matched the rest of the wall, or maybe cleaning around the spot with only a half job, so the difference was harder to spot. The problem was we could never make that spot look the same, and as long as it was different it stood out. The boss said we needed to scrub all the walls and ceiling of the Centrum.

The Lamanite king known as the father of Lamoni once said, "O God ... wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee" (Alma 22:18). The king realized that to repent he would need to change every aspect of his life, not just scrub one little sin. I may try to fool myself by claiming I don't really need repentance, or maybe I can try a little harder in a few related areas, but the only way to truly be like Christ is to have a massive overhaul. In the scriptures this is called a "mighty change of heart" (Alma 5:14)

Think of it like a spot of sin. We've all got them, and sometimes they are discreet, other times they stick out like a giant wad of paper towels. It's going to take work to get that ugly stain cleansed, but there is no sin so terrible that we cannot reach our goal to repent.

That summer we acquired a drivable hoist with a platform that went up 25 feet in the air. We took turns, but for 8 hours a day five days a week for three months someone was up in that bucket scrubbing. It was hard work, and many times I wondered if it was really worth it. The sight of those gray walls would make my stomach queasy.

I like to ask "Is it hard to live the gospel?" I think the answer is "YES! At first... but then it gets easier after a while. After that, NO, it's not hard at all". There is a change... a mighty change of heart. At first the idea of reading scriptures every day, of watching every word that I say, of sharing the gospel with a friend makes my stomach queasy. But then as I practice I start to feel something else. I get excited.

Walking through the shiny white halls and seeing the line of gray showed me we were making progress. It was exciting to see how close we were to completion. Eventually we made it all the way back around to that tiny spot where the oversized spitwad was cleaned. Finally the spot could no longer be found on the sparkly white hall. The boss commented that the job probably

hadn't been done in decades, and it was good to have the place clean top to bottom. I have to

admit - it looked good, and I was proud of my work.


The Lord has promised us a beautiful end to the story, as glorious as the "glory of the sun" (1 Corinthians 15:41). It's hard to imagine standing before the Savior, but if we are clean in sparkling white we will say it has all been worth it. Keep that goal in mind when you find another fault that needs repentance. By cleaning the rest of the Centrum dirty we eventually ended up with a spotless building
.

Sunday Computer Games

I often ask the youth what their parents have said about computer games on Sunday. Their responses are impressive - the parents have rules that are clear and have been explained. This is impressive because to my knowledge the authorities of the church have never laid down any rules, yet parents have realized this is a topic that cannot be ignored. When I was a child computer games were rather new, so it was up to my brother and I to decide what was acceptable.

I have fond memories of the two of us spending the entire Sunday crawling through level after level on some game. Many of the games required us to take turns, and since my brother was a better player his turns usually lasted longer.

One Sunday after church and lunch I remarked to my brother, "First one to the Nintendo gets to play first!" He grabbed a church magazine and shocked me,
"You go ahead, I don't think I'll play today." I was stunned,
"Why not?"
"It's Sunday. I've decided not to play games on Sunday anymore."

I thought about that.  It was a profound statement from my older brother.  I had been taught in primary, and I understood the principle of sabbath observance.  After thinking for a moment I came to the conclusion that I believe was the only natural one for me:

"Cool!  That means I don't have to share at all!"

I rushed downstairs and played the whole day away and had a great time.  Then the next Sunday came.

"Are you going to play today?"
"No, Scott, it's Sunday."
"Cool!  I know exactly which game I want to play!"

And again I had a great time.  It was so neat to have no school, no Saturday chores, and no one to share the Nintendo with.  The next week came.

"I'm going to play, you coming?"
"Nope"
"Great!"

And I had a great time playing without my brother who wouldn't play because of some silly Sunday rule.  Obviously he felt like it was a sin, even though he hadn't told me I was wrong.  My brother never budged - once he made a decision he was stable, but I was confident when he saw what he was missing out on he would change his mind.  Especially since that week we had just bought a new game.

"Hey, I'm going to play the new game - are you coming?"
"Nope"
"Great - I bet I get past the level you've been working on!"

Sitting in front of the TV my mind couldn't help but think about my older brother's decision.  "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy" (Exodus 20:8) is pretty cut and dried.  Would this computer game count as "holy"?  It wasn't a commandment to not play computer games, but "For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward" (D&C 58:26).  Obviously he believed there was some blessing he would get, and whatever it was I wanted it too.

I put down the controller and decided not to play on Sunday anymore.  That first week I missed it - like an extra day of fasting.  But each week the definition of "Sunday" started to change.  It wasn't about playing games, in fact it wasn't even about me - it was about the Lord.  After some time I found Sunday was a chance to put myself right with the Lord. 

My brother never preached what he believed, he never told me that I was wrong, and I never told him I had quit because of him, but his quiet example had a profound impact.  I began to search for other ways to make the sabbath special, and I found Sunday became a delight.  Sometimes the best lessons are taught by living what I believe is true.

Baby Shower

There are certain mistakes I had to make before I realized how serious it was.  For example, I know I should never carry a child on my shoulders when the ceiling fan is on.  I know soccer is definitely an outside sport when my wife buys a new vase.  I know love notes should not be done in permanent marker.  And I absolutely know guys do not belong at a baby shower.

When our second child, a baby girl, was about to be born Teasha was given a baby shower.  It's a very exciting time for expecting mothers - they are pampered and praised.  They get gifts and spend hours playing games and talking.  I missed the baby shower for our oldest son, and Teasha asked me if I would consider going to this one.  I said "sure".

Some of the memory is blocked out, but I'll try to recall what I can.


"Ooooooo! Such cute shoes!"
"Awwwwww! That dress is soooo cute!"
"Ooooooo! What darling lace!"

This went on.  And on.  Every woman who came commented on every dress.  There must be some genetic code within the female brain that makes tiny girl clothing irresistible.  Keep in mind these comments must be made in a pitch that is two or three times higher than the normal voice.  Some of them topped out my hearing range.

"Eeeeeee! That is so darling! Widdle bwue bows!"

I don't want you to think I'm callous.  My wife absolutely loved it.  It just wasn't my thing.  I was thinking in my head about how much things cost and wondering whether we would be paying for these gifts with all the baby showers we would attend over the next few years.  I found myself thinking of ways the whole process could be done in half the time, but wisely I kept my mouth shut.  I recognized this was Teasha's party.

They weren't doing the activities and games that I find fun, so it wasn't long before I was wishing I was somewhere else.  The places where I am comfortable says something about myself.  Then I wondered:  Is the kingdom of God a place where I would feel comfortable?  If I was in heaven, would I be bored by service activities and scripture games?  Maybe wicked people aren't in heaven because they don't enjoy celestial life.  If heaven had wicked activities the righteous wouldn't stay.  "But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy." (1 Nephi 15:34).

When the gifts were done the stories began.
"I was in labor for 9 days!"
"It hurt so bad I couldn't sleep for two weeks!"
"My baby has his arm bent and the doctor nearly..."
"Oh yeah, well when my fourth child was born..."

I thought to myself, "why would you share horrible stories when my wife is pregnant?"  There must have been some logic, because my wife enjoyed it.  There was talking, tiny fruit trays were passed around, and a host of discussions on breast feeding, periods, and hair.  I was straining to act like it was no big deal and I forced myself to smile as if I enjoyed the party.

"Can ye imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse"? (Alma 5;18)  I can only guess what the main topics of interest are in heaven, but if my priorities are not right I won't enjoy listening to the angels.  I believe a lot of discussions will be about families, about learning and growth, and certainly a lot of praise for God and His son Jesus Christ.  I want to make those a priority so that I can be part of the heavenly conversation.

The fact that this wasn't my type of party was obvious to the other women there.  "What do you think of all this?" they would ask me.  "Do you feel like a drop of testosterone in a pool of estrogen?"  What am I supposed to respond with?  "I'll bet you wish you'd stayed home, huh?"  I'm thinking 'Yea, but do you really want me to say?'  I found myself searching for an excuse, and when my wife mentioned something about food I jumped up, "Hey, I think I'll head home and start some dinner so you don't have to worry about it today!"  Once I was outside I felt the relief of freedom.

I suspect when judgement day comes it will not be hard to accept the Lord's decision.  Paul said, "There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.  There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.  So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:" (1 Corinthians 10:40-42)  

What could be more heavenly than discussing the birth of a new child?  The growth of a family and the greatest adventure God grants to man?  Yet I was not comfortable there and wanted to find somewhere I could hide.   My goal is to seek out the things in life that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" (Article of Faith 13).  Then I will be comfortable in heaven, and I will want to stay there forever.

Driving Blind

In Texas it doesn't get cold very often.  When I lived in Utah I had several ice scrapers in my car, and a pair of mittens in the glovebox, and I always left early so I could warm up the car.  It's surprising how quickly I forgot those things when I moved to a hot climate.

Texas has two seasons, summer and January.  So one January morning I came out of the church after teaching early morning seminary and found my car windows frozen.  I remembered taking the time to defrost the windows when I came to the church, but I wanted to get home in a hurry so I decided not to wait for the car to warm up.

Ice scraper?  Negative.
Mittens?  Negative.
Time?  Negative.

I guess I'll move to plan D.  With the car heater on high I whipped out the trusty credit card.  Now my hands are freezing, and I figure the Texan sun will defrost my windows soon enough.  I need a quick solution, so I etched out a credit card sized hole in the frost and jumped in.

Sometimes in life things seem as clear as a clean windshield.  Like on my mission, I knew God's plan, and I knew my role.  When I was first married I knew what was important and how to treat it.  Then life somehow makes things cloudy.  Nephi described a "mist of darkness" (1 Nephi 8:23) which is sent by "Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men" (Moses 4:4).

With my mini view I can see a tiny square of the road ahead, and a sliver at the bottom where the defroster has cleared some space.  Don't worry, I know where I'm going.  I've driven from the church to my house hundreds of times.  All I need is to see whether there's a car ahead of me.  Confidently I backed out and zoomed forward.  This icy problem has made me a few minutes later, so even before I get out the parking lot I've gotten up to 20 mph.

When I came off my mission I meant to read my scriptures every day - I just got busy.  And after marriage I meant to say prayers in the morning, sometimes I just had a lot of work to do.  Before I know it my spiritual windshield is frosted over with worldly things.  I think that's why Jesus said, "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow" (Matthew 6:33-34).  To clear my spiritual slate I should take the time to pour myself into scriptures, prayer, and meditation.  But I'm so busy!  Instead I etch out a tiny verse of scripture, a half hearted prayer, and away I go.

As I zoom through the parking lot squinting at the exit 50 yards ahead from the sliver of space at the bottom of my windshield I see five feet ahead of my car something I forgot about.  The church parking lot has islands with a curb and grass in the middle.

The next second felt like a terrifyingly long time.

A spiritual crisis is so much worse.   There have been times when a trial comes, and I realize I don't have the spirit when I need it.  A monster speed bump in life and I've let my view of heaven get clouded over.  Why?  Because I was in too big of a hurry to read my scriptures and pray with real intent.

I slammed the brakes and the car left five foot skid marks down the parking lot.  The tires bounced against the curb, but no real damage was done to the vehicle.  I sat there for a few minutes catching my breath.  Then I got out and scraped every bit of frost off every window on that car.  By the time I got back in the car I was late, but I was safe for the drive home.

After my mission I realized I wasn't reading my scriptures the way I used to on my mission.  It's like the windshield to the Holy Ghost was clouded over.  If I was called at two in the morning to give a blessing, would I be spiritually ready?  One day after I was married I realized my work was taking priority over prayer.  I made goals to rededicate myself and the windows of heaven shined clear.  Sometimes I still get busy and forget to give the Lord my time, but then I see skid marks across the church parking lot and I remember the lesson that it's better to be safe than to be fast.

Unpack the Ice

Moving is always scary, especially if you have no idea what you're moving into.  When I was at BYU and Thomas was just born I did an internship with an actuarial firm in Denver Colorado.  We didn't know anybody in Denver, but through the internet we found a place that would give us a 3 month lease on an apartment.  We packed inflatable mattresses, packed an ice cooler of food, and a few other things and headed to Colorado.  We thought we were lucky.  Until we saw the place.

To be polite I won't tell you the name of our apartment complex, but we called it "Felony Ridge".  The first day was rough - tough looking neighbors, spiderwebs in the ceiling, and the late night partying showed this was not a great area of town.  Our neighbors down the hall screamed death threats at each other, scary characters in the parking lot hid bags in their car doors, and our neighbor across the hall admitted her boyfriend had a warrant.  We kept our doors locked.


Teasha was very brave, but sometimes I got the impression she was trying to hide when she cried.  When I was gone to work she would spend a lot of time on the phone with her old church ward members.  When I would come home she would ask if we could get in the car and drive to a different part of town.  I could tell the whole situation was wearing on her.

In the next few weeks things started to change.  The girl across the hall was in an abusive relationship, but this guy was a better than the last few she had lived with.  She wondered how we kept things together so well.  We shared our testimony of the Lord Jesus Christ, and explained how a church helps people to get their lives in order.  We found some fantastic places to take our young toddler Thomas, and found such fun places to shop in Denver.  Teasha and I grew closer together, and learned to turn to each other when things were rough.  The Denver library has an amazing DVD collection, and we had regular movie nights.  And when the lesbian couple down the hall had a screaming fight, we shook our heads and held each other close.

One evening we returned from the store, and I had a pint of ice cream to put in the freezer.  When I opened the door I found the freezer was packed solid with ice.  This is not normal for us, since we don't use ice that much.  Come to think of it, the last time we needed ice was 3 weeks ago when we moved in.  I asked Teasha, "Dear?  What's with the ice?"

"Oh," she admitted, "That's from when we moved here.  I kept it because I figured if I needed to go back home I could throw the ice back in the cooler and be packed up in less than 10 minutes."
"You stored this so you could go home in 10 minutes notice?"
"Yeah, at first I didn't think I would survive here.  I really thought one of these days I'd send you a note and head out."
"Ok.  And what do you think now?"
"I think we should unpack the ice.  We're here to stay, and whatever happens we'll face it together.  I've learned the world can't touch what's really valuable."

We threw the ice in the sink, and ever since then we've had the saying "Unpack the ice" to mean it's time to dedicate yourself to your circumstances.  You can't keep one foot on the dock and one in the boat.  Even the Savior said, "No man having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62).  This is lesson is especially true in relation to the things of God.  "Choose you this day whom ye will serve... As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).  Pick which side you will be on, and then unpack the ice.

Some people have ice called fear, which stops them from accepting callings or a responsibility.  For some their ice is personal desire, which seem too painful to give up for the Lord.  I know people who had a grudge as their ice, and it kept them from church activity or service.  Those who say "Here am I, send me" (Isaiah 6:8) an unpack the ice will be blessed all the greater. The road may be as tough as it was for Paul, or it may be as wonderful as the Nephites in 100AD, but dedicate yourself to serve the Lord under whatever circumstances come your way.  Unpack the ice and be happy with where the Lord wants you to be.

Cranial Bone Surgery

Since I was born with a cleft palate I've had about a dozen surgeries (depending on what qualifies as "surgery").  Six of them have been very serious.  I think the most miserable surgery was the 14 year old one for one reason - the bone graft was from the top of my skull.

Before the surgery they asked me whether I wanted to graft bone from my head or my hip.  They explained that medically there wasn't much difference, but if it was from my hip I wouldn't be able to walk for a while, and I would hurt in my head and my hip instead of just my head.  I decided to graft bone from my skull.

Early that morning I awoke sore and miserable with my entire face aching.  Grafting in bone between my teeth and nose gave me two black eyes and a mouth that was so swollen I could only drink through a straw.  I was intubated during the surgery so my throat was swollen too.  It may surprise you that those weren't the worst symptoms.  Above it all was a droning headache that made breathing unbearable.  To make sure the bone graft from the skull didn't cause any stress to the brain they attached a machine to the top of my head.  It was about the size of a grapefruit, but it felt like I had a bookcase attached to my head.  On heavy painkillers and groggy from the surgery I slept for hours until night came.

At night my parents needed to return to where the other kids were to sleep.  They left, the hospital dimmed the lights, and my body decided it was done sleeping.  They would be back in 8 hours.  That's 480 minutes.  That's 28,800 seconds.  I would know.  I laid there and figured it out.  My eyes still burned, and my head pounded, so when I tried to watch TV it made my whole body ache.  After a half hour I felt so sick it was over a week before I tried to watch TV again.  442 minutes.  That's 26,520 seconds.  26,519 seconds.  26,518 seconds.

It's ok - I'm tough, I knew it would be a hard surgery, so I would take the pain.  I was determined I would use as little painkiller medicine as possible, and that I decided that while it hurt I would be fine.  I can handle anything.  Maybe in my head I was little like the wicked people in Zarahemla: "for behold, we are powerful, and our cities great, therefore our enemies can have no power over us." (Helaman 8:6) Then I tried to roll over.

The head sucker drainage thingy machine weighed a ton.  It must have been mostly metal.  Because of the way it was attached to my head I had to lay with my head straight up.  I tried to twist my body a little to the side, but then my swollen neck hurt.  It didn't take me realize that I would be spending the night lying flat on my back, which is not a position I usually sleep in.

The nurse came to check on me, and I explained that I couldn't sleep.  For some complicated reason I couldn't get any sedatives, and when I complained about the metal alien stuck to my head she told me how it was so important and could save my life and I don't know.  I wasn't really paying attention because at this point my body aches to roll to one side.  It may not sound like a big deal, but you try laying in one position for a few hours and see what you think.

Midnight finally came.  I watched the tiny second hand spin round and round.  12:15.  12:30.  I spent most of my time trying to shift my body to one side or the other without moving my head.  One o'clock.  Two o'clock.  By now I don't care about being brave or strong.  I just want to roll over.  I'll do anything - I'll invent a time machine and go back and undo the decision to graft bone from my head.  At one point I started feeling the brain sucker to see if I could "accidentally" disconnect it.  Apparently I made my head bleed, and the nurse told me I could expect to keep it on even longer.  Nurses have no sympathy.

Lying there with nothing to do, Three o'clock in the morning, I came to a couple of realizations.  It didn't matter how beat up I was, or how badly I was hurt, if I didn't have a basic freedom of movement I was truly miserable.  It cut through my heroism, it broke down my resolve, and it overwhelmed my strength.  Each second stretched out to an eternity as my misery grew to fill a lifetime.  The rest didn't matter so much - all I wanted was to roll on my side.

There is a reason that sin is called "slavery".  Of the wicked it has been said, "His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins."  (Proverbs 5:22)  When I have done something contrary to what I know is right I cannot relax, and I cannot find peace.  I have a heart that is bruised and my spirit hurts, but that's not even the worst.  When I have sinned once I know I am likely to sin again.  I try to resist, and find myself doing what I know is wrong over and over.  I think to myself, "And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?" (2 Nephi 4:27).  My sins seem to stretch through eternity, and often I begin to worry that I will never overcome  my own weakness.

6:00 am.  Family came back, doctor came to visit, I made a plea for the brain monster to be removed.  The doctor said it could come off at 10:00.  Such a joy to have a finish line in sight!  When the submarine came off my head I rolled to my right and felt such relief!  I hurt for the next few weeks, but at least I could roll onto my side when I needed.

"O, my beloved brethren, turn away from your sins; shake off the chains of him that would bind you fast; come unto that God who is the rock of your salvation." (2 Nephi 9:45)  The Lord gives us guilt to make us uncomfortable, but with that guilt he offers a way out.  A finish line - repent and come unto Christ.  When we agree to be like Him then He will take the monstrous weight of sin off our heads and we can be free of guilt and worry and pain.  It is a miracle that must be experienced to fully understand.  The Lord lives, and he wants us to be free by choosing to follow His commandments during the darkest parts of the night.  It is worth following the Savior to be free.

A few years later I needed another bone graft.  This time I chose to get bone from my hip.  I had to be very careful when I rolled onto the side where the bone was grafted, but so much better.  My one night of misery was enough to teach me a lesson that has never left me.  I can suffer through certain things and maybe I'll complain while I endure, but some things matter so much that I immediately dedicate everything to ending it, and I resolve to never go through it again.  I don't look back and laugh at that long aching night, it was a lesson in finding what matters most and treating it right.  I expect in my life to have more painful lessons, but they won't be from grafting cranial bone rather than hip bone.

Paper Hearts

I am an intellectual person, so I worry a lot about being fooled into something that isn't true.  This is especially true in the subject of religion.  No one wants to find out later that their view of God and Heaven was totally wrong.  The tricky part is life doesn't have a "back of the book" where all the answers are listed.  Sometimes I learn about recognizing eternal truth through stories where someone figured out the truth.  Like T.C.'s paper heart.

My sister Julie is considered beautiful and charming (so they say - brothers never understand things like that about sisters).  As I understand she was asked out regularly, but she was never interested in a serious relationship.  She went to EFY where she worked closely with several men and women to teach the youth about Christ.  In the end all the EFY councilors became good friends.  Including that one guy T.C. that seemed to be a little cocky - maybe dorky, but a nice guy.

On a flight between EFY camps my sister remember being bored on the airplane and looking around.  T.C. remembers how many time Julie turned around and looked at him.  He decided he would keep an eye on the girl that was clearly checking him out.

If you've never been a little bored at church then you're better than me.  Julie would always fold the program into some origami shape.  One Sunday she folded a heart.  It's a little tricky to do, and in the end she was proud of it.  She always passed her origami to the person next to her happened to be that guy; was his name T.C.?  The meeting ended, and it was time for Relief Society.

In T.C.'s mind: "Wow!  That cute girl that keeps looking at me!  Today she sat next to me and made me a heart and gave it to me in front of everyone!  Yes!  This is my lucky break!  She's madly in love with me, but she's not the type to say it out loud!  I guess I'll ask her out, and I'll probably play it cool before we date seriously, and we'd better date a few months before we get engaged.  I want my wife to get the full dating and courtship experience."

Now T.C. believes something that is not true.  What should he do?  Alma said, "Therefore, if a seed groweth it is good, but if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away." (Alma 32:32).  In other words, it's not a good idea for T.C. to spend his life worrying about whether Julie loves him or not.  He believed she loved him, so he moved forward and asked her out.  If it turned out he was wrong then he would find out naturally.  My sister is the type that always goes on one date with a guy, even if T.C. wasn't the kind of guy she would usually ask out.  He mentioned there was a meeting that he was in charge of and asked if she would be willing to help prepare for that too.  Julie never turns down an opportunity to serve, so she promised she would.  If she had realized she was agreeing to a second date she probably would have said no.

A love story is funny, but what if I was talking about my beliefs on the commandments?  John said, "And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us" (1 John 4:16).  My testimony began because I felt the love of God and could see His blessings.  That's not much to base a religious belief on.  As a teenager I spent a lot of time worrying about whether my love based belief was wrong.  One day I realized that if I was wrong I would be corrected eventually, but until then my religion would help me become a good man.  I decided to move forward by committing to keeping all the commandments as given through the church.

In T.C.'s mind: "Finally a date where I don't have to worry about every detail and watch every word.  She loves me, I can certainly love her, so I can relax and just enjoy dating this time."  Happy and relaxed he fell asleep.

There were several couples who were going to meet at a fast food place to start the date.  Julie arrived as did everyone else... except T.C. who was still asleep.  For an hour Julie had to field teasings about trying to sneak in the group without actually having a date.  Finally T.C. arrived feeling very refreshed.  The men immediately held a council to decide what they should do for the date.  It was decided to get food first, and then a mountain walk afterwards.

T.C. and Julie ordered some fast food, and then T.C. decided he wanted a smoothie.  He was now officially out of money, but he figured, "I pay, she pays, it all comes out of the same pocket.  There's no need to worry about who pays if we're going to get married."  He asked Julie if she could chip in so he could get a smoothie.  Julie paid, but when he got two straws she told him she didn't feel like a smoothie.  What she didn't say was that inside she was boiling mad.

The boys went on the hike, and as the sky went dark they reached the end of the long hike.  Then one of the girls asked if anyone had brought a flashlight.  That caused the group to immediately start heading back.  Long before they reached their cars the night was pitch dark, and there was a lot of scary stumbling around on the mountain path.

Julie and T.C. made it back, and started home.  T.C. then noted the car was out of gas.  Considering Julie would have to pay for the gas (remember - he's out of money), she encouraged him to make it to her house.  They made it, Julie got out, thanked T.C., and went in.

Julie wanted to never see that boy again.  She knew what she wanted in a husband, and this was NOT it.  She could never date someone who didn't care enough to show up on time.  She would never date someone who hadn't planned the date.  And he made her pay!  She would never date someone who didn't think of safety concerns like a flashlight, and the old running out of gas trick?  It was the worst date ever.  Finally it was over and she wouldn't have to try to keep her end of the conversation up anymore.  Surely he could tell he bombed the date, so she wouldn't be hearing from him again.  She would be moving soon, and he would not get her forwarding address

T.C. was floating on clouds.  Julie didn't mind paying, she understood their finances would be eternally shared.  She had trooped right along beside him on the mountain path of life, determined to stay with him through ways that might be rocky or dark.  She didn't seem worried about running out of gas with him, of course.  There wasn't a kiss, but neither of them were first date kiss types anyway.  It was a great date, and T.C. couldn't wait for their second one.


Now T.C. has been given evidence that what he believes is true.  It's certainly not proof, but it does cause him to be more confident that he is going the right direction.  Returning to the seed analogy from Alma: "And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good. And now, behold, is your knowledge  perfect? Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing," (Alma 32:33-34).  T.C. now knew that he enjoyed being with Julie, and that he could be happy with this girl for the rest of his life.  Did he know he would marry her?  Well not yet, but he had good reason to believe it was true since they loved each other

My testimony grew in a similar way.  I had times when my prayers were answered.  Times when the truths taught in church helped me understand my life and purpose.  Most importantly I felt happy and peaceful when I did the things I knew were right, and I felt unsettled when I did something I knew was wrong.  As Joseph said to Pharoah, "And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace." (Genesis 41:16).   Is that proof?  It proves that living according to the LDS standards will lead me to a happy and productive life.  It's proof that I can follow the teachings of the modern prophets.  It's proof that the promises in the scriptures are true.  I decided to be patient while I waited to find out the rest of the truth.

T.C. called Julie and reminded her she had promised to help him with his meeting.  She remembered, and Julie is not the type to break a promise... what did he need?  It was his mission reunion. 

Julie kicked herself.  Why didn't she figure this out before she agreed!  Guys go to mission reunions with their girlfriends.  Julie was starting to realize that T.C. was clueless.  The time when he would start the planning was also the same time Julie's family would be coming to help her move.  She agreed to help him with the planning, but her family would need her after that, so she wouldn't be able to attend the reunion.  Secretly Julie planned on moving after that, and by changing her phone number this problem would be solved.  This was not the kind of guy she could marry, but she wasn't eager to be there when his heart broke.

T.C. heard Julie say that he would meet her family on the planning night.  Wow - meeting her family!  The more he was around her the more he wanted to be with her, so it was great.  A few days later he called and invited her to lunch.  Julie tried to decline, but T.C. mentioned that his mom would be there too, and he wanted Julie to meet her.  Meet his Mom?  Julie decided enough was enough.  T.C. kept pushing so finally she agreed she would try to be there.  When she hung up she decided it was the last time she would see him.

The next day was not a good one.  Standing a guy up was not something Julie did, and she felt bad, but she could not date a guy like that, and he seemed to act like they were engaged.  It was a drastic measure that she would endure and then move on.  She went to lunch by herself, and then took a form to the Church Office Building where she used to work.  By divine plan T.C. also needed to take a form to the Church Office Building to set up the missionary reunion.  She walked in, T.C. turned around.

The expression on her face and on his face told both of them the full story in less than a second.  Confused he pulled out the paper heart she had given him at church.  She said, "Hey, that looks like the kind of thing I fold during church... how did you get one?" 

T.C.'s vision of reality shattered.  For the first time he could see Julie's side of the story.  His beliefs, his faith in their love, his ideas of the future, his feelings about her had been wrong from the start.  Clearly God had led him to the truth.  He had been wrong for a long time, but eventually the Lord made sure T.C. knew what was true.  T.C. is a strong type of guy, so he shouldered the pain and changed his mindset. 

Julie felt awful.  She begged T.C. to keep their planning date.  He knew Julie only wanted the second date to ease her guilt.  He agreed to the date because he knew she felt bad, and he was giving her a way to feel better.

I was there that night.  Julie and T.C. met, and the atmosphere was kind, but not affectionate.  T.C. joked and played with me and my other siblings, he talked about cars with my Dad, and in general he was relaxed and friendly.  He knew Julie was not in love with him, and as such he was having fun with everyone else.  My father had brought the motorhome, so T.C. and Julie sat at the table and talked.  They did a Mad-Lib together.  I remember looking over Julie's shoulder until it was time for me to go.  This was when Julie and T.C. would spend some time together.  They stalled by finishing their Mad-Lib.

By time they had finished Julie realized something.  She had just finished the best date she had ever had.  T.C. was funny, he was relaxed, he was honest.  All the guys she had dated before were constantly putting their best self forward.  With T.C. she knew exactly what kind of guy she was dating.  When the Mad Lib was done she felt sad.  This was the last time she would spend with T.C., and to her surprise she would miss it.  He got along great with the family, he loved kids, he loved life.  He loved her.  She looked at him.  Her face and his face told both of them the whole story in less than a second.  There would be a third date.

And a fourth date.  I guess you could say they are still dating today.  Julie and T.C. discovered what is perhaps the most surprising thing - T.C. was right!  Julie was wrong!  The whole time T.C. believed she would be his wife he was right.  Every time Julie said she could never marry a guy like that she was wrong.  Through patience, work, and faith they eventually discovered the truth.

My testimony has a similar story.  There was a time when I realized my parents weren't always right.  I had followed their church my whole life, but according to modern science I was a fool.  Why would I follow the LDS church when there are so many other christian churches to choose from?  It certainly isn't the easiest church to attend.  One look at the fun things you can do without a church and I decided my religious views were wrong.

It's ok to question your religion - I think I would have to be brain dead to not question it from time to time.  I don't go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because the church leaders have told me I can't leave or I can't question our beliefs.  Truth can hold up to intellectual, emotional, and spiritual tests.  But what happens if I convince myself the church is not true?  The Lord said, "For I am God, and mine arm is not shortened; and I will show miracles, signs, and wonders, unto all those who believe on my name" (D&C 35:8).   Jesus has promised to step in when we need His guidance.

The trick is to be patient, and stay righteous.  T.C. could have been rude to Julie when she didn't go to lunch.  Instead he was kind and allowed the second date.  He could have been offish to me, or ignored my father, but he choose to be friendly and happy.  During the times in my life when I wondered whether Joseph Smith was a prophet, or whether the Bible contains the word of God I have still tried to live a clean and righteous life.  Then eventually the Lord will bring his assurance.

"Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth:" (John 16:13)  I remember many nights praying for the Father to help me know what I should do.  The answers I received were spiritual, so describing them with words doesn't work, but it took away my doubt.  One look from the the Savior and I knew he was there.  He loves me, this is his church, and the only true lasting source of happiness comes from righteous living.  That is as true as the fact that T.C. and Julie love each other.

One Broken Airplane Wheel

There are so many things in life that seem important until we face a real emergency.  Knowing that you are about to die has a way of bringing into focus the things that truly matter.  The story of my friend Alan will explain what I mean.   Alan was a pilot, and he loved to take friends and family flying in his little Cessna airplane.  I will try to tell the story in such a way as to catch the emotions that we know he experienced.

Alan took his two oldest kids for an airplane ride leaving his two younger kids with his wife at home.  This was nothing new, and it seemed like this would be similar to all the other flights until it came time to land.  Many pilots have told me that landing an airplane is the hard part about flying because of the speed, the air is more turbulent near the ground, and because there is no room for error as the altitude drops.  On this day as Alan flipped the switch to lower the landing gear the wheel didn't move.

Airplane wheels are tucked inside the body of the plane during flight to give the plane more aerodynamics, and to reduce the forces on the delicate and critical piece of landing.  When the wheel comes back out it swings down until it reaches certain angle where it locks into place.  If the wheel doesn't get to that critical angle it will fold back up into the airplane body upon contact.  If a plane lands on the body the lightweight aluminum shears away against the pavement exposing the occupants to the asphalt at 200 miles and hour.  I assume I don't need to describe the results of an airplane crash.

The first thing Alan did was contact Flight Control and explain the situation.  Our little town of Cedar City didn't have a lake to try a water landing, and those rarely go well anyway.  They advised him to hold a circling pattern until emergency vehicles could arrive on the scene. Alan gave this oldest son a wrench and they accessed the manual controls where the son tried to crank the wheel out as far as possible.  The wheel lowered, but not to the critical angle that would allow it to lock into place.

At this point there were 20 minutes of nothing to do but fly in a circle and wait.  I imagine to myself what I would have thought or done.  The son cranked furiously but in vain with the wrench the entire length of time.  The daughter stayed still and quiet while sobbing in the back seat.  Alan asked Flight Control to patch him a call to his wife.

The Savior said, "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal" (Matthew 6:19).  The things that are really important don't always match the things that we spend a lot of time on.  Knowing that you have only a little time left to live changes what you spend time on.  How unfortunate that these are the kinds of situations that force us to prioritize better.

The conversation between Alan and his wife was not long - there wasn't much time, but Alan told his wife how much he loved her.  He said he had enjoyed every minute of his marriage to her, and his decision to marry her was the best thing he had ever decided to do.  He told her how beautiful she was, what a wonderful mother, and how lucky he felt to have been blessed by God to have such a wife.  He said, "I love  you, and I have always loved you from the first day we met."

She knew her husband was flying, and she instantly asked, "What's wrong?"  He said nothing was wrong, just some things he had meant to say.  She didn't buy it.  "Something's wrong, I can tell.  What is the matter, is the plane going to crash?  Are you going to be ok?  Honey, tell me what is going on!"   He told her she didn't need to worry, but that he couldn't stay on the phone.  One last expression of love, one tearful goodbye.   My mother turned around and with tears in her eyes she excused herself to her room.

I remember being scared.  Of course my little sister and I were told nothing until everything was over.  Every firetruck and ambulance in Cedar City was at the airport.  My Dad brought the plane down as slowly as he could, and when the wheel hit the pavement it did bounce up into the body of the plane but then it swung back with momentum and locked into place.  The plane landed safely, and my family was reunited not much later.

That night there was talk about feelings and values.  When we thought our Dad might really die, how important was it to catch that TV episode?  When I thought my brother might never come home, did I think about how rude it was for him to hog the stereo?  When my sister was in the plane and she realized she might never come home, did she worry about how her hair looked?  When my Dad had time for one phone call, did he call his insurance agency, his business accountant, or even someone from church?  At a time like this the only thing we cared about was expressing love to each other, and getting those who were in danger home safely.

"How think ye? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth into the mountains, and seeketh that which is gone astray?" (Matthew 18:12).  There are people close to us who are in a spiritual plane where the landing gear isn't quite at the right angle.  How bizarre it would be if we spent our time watching TV instead of going home teaching.  Or how weird if we spent our time with friends watching football when it was time to be at church.  I wonder if I sometimes spent time thinking about my stomach when the Savior wants to tell me about a ward member who needs an encouraging word.  I suspect things like broken airplane wheels is the method the Lord uses for helping me when I am not prioritizing correctly.

This Day Can't Get Any Worse

Ever have a day when you wondered if heaven forgot you?  This story is about Teasha's bad day that turned worse and then became the worst.  This was back when Teasha and I had been on a few dates, so Teasha still worked at the vet clinic.  We had dated but that didn't mean we were officially a couple.  Still, maybe some of it is my fault since Teasha and I were probably up until midnight the night before on a date.  The next morning she was running just a little late.

And to make matters worse she was out of gas.  This was back when you could get gas and pay the cashier inside.  Except there was a long line ahead of her.  Finally when Teasha got to the cashier she gave him the ten bucks and ran out.  Her goal to make it on time was ruined.  She had read her scriptures, but it seemed like Joshua's promise "for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success." (Joshua 1:8) wasn't going to work for today.

At work Teasha had two bosses:  The vet, and the vet's wife.  The wife was sometimes rather mean, and this day was no exception.  At one point the phone rang for the vet's wife, and she sent Teasha out so she could chat in private, telling her to clean the kennels.  When the kennels were done the vet's wife said Teasha needed to do another painful chore, and commented that she would need to work faster.  She was the type that was rarely pleased.  Teasha was ordered to begin the clean up ten minutes before closing time.  When 5:00 finally came the vet's wife told her she had caused problems all day and it would be best if she just left.

Teasha should have been glad to go home early, but no one likes to be told they are doing everything wrong, and then at the end of the day to be told they weren't worth their wages.  The lord said, " Inasmuch as ye shall keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land; but inasmuch as ye will not keep my commandments ye shall be cut off from my presence." (2 Nephi 1:20)  Teasha was trying her best, then why did she feel more cut off than prosperous?

At least she could go home and relax.  She got into her old Volkswagon Panelwagon (imagine a green loaf of bread).  As she pulled onto the main road the red and blue police lights flashed behind her.  Was God cursing her for something?  This day can't get any worse!  She knew she hadn't sped, she had her seat belt on, what was the problem.  The officer swaggered up to her window with that "Just try and see how tough I am" attitude.  Officer Callison asked Teasha for her ID.  As he was sauntering away Teasha asked, "Officer, can I ask what the problem is?"

"Ma'am, a vehicle matching this description bought gas today and didn't pay for it.  Have you bought gas recently?"
"Uh, yeah, this morning."
"Did you get a receipt?"
"Um..... no"
"Ma'am, we take gas skips very seriously.  If you buy gas without paying that is a serious offense."
And the officer walked back to his car.

Isaiah said, "the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him." (Isaiah 30:18).  But the longer Teasha's day went, the worse it got.  She said it couldn't get any worse, but now the day had officially bottomed out.  Here she was on the main road with people she knew driving past about to be arrested because that clerk stole her money that morning.  Being falsely accused will make anyone angry, and after the kind of day Teasha had her emotions were close to the surface.  Still, "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience." (James 1:2)  Maybe Teasha just needed to wait for the Lord's help a little longer and she would see He had a greater plan for her the whole time.  She decided she would brave the future and trust the Lord to explain why she was going through such trials eventually.

After a very long time Officer Callison came back and told Teasha she was parked too close to the busy road, and she would need to pull off onto a side street.  When she parked on a deserted avenue he told her to get into his patrol car to take her to the gas station and sort the mess out.  He invited her to sit in the passenger seat since she wasn't being treated as a criminal.  She sat down next to a huge shotgun to the policeman's side.  He started the car and they drove to where the gas station was on the edge of town.

"So, you're name is Teasha?  Do you have any plans for tonight?"

The sing song way he was speaking made the hair on Teasha's neck stand on end.  "the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth" (John 15:26).  Teasha felt he was not asking just to make conversation.


"Yes, I have plans, thanks for asking."
"Oh?  Do you have a boyfriend then?"
"I've been dating a guy named Scott"
"Yeah, so are you serious, or would you consider going with other guys?"
"No, I am serious, he's my boyfriend and I'm not interested in looking at other guys."
Then Teasha noticed they had just passed the gas station, which was the last gas station on that road heading out of town.

Suddenly this bad day has gone beyond trials and problems.  Now Teasha is in more trouble than she has the power to handle on her own.  When those times come, (and I can promise you they will) there is a source we can turn to.  Teasha was furiously praying in her heart for help.  The Lord will choose how to answer, but I promise he will always answer that prayer.  She had wondered if her bad day was part of a greater plan.  The Lord told Joseph Smith "if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." (D&C 122:7).  She prayed in faith that help would come, and that there was a greater plan that she couldn't see.

I promise there was.  Because I helped plan it.

You see, Teasha and I had been on several dates, but it was time for something different.  Maybe something funny, exciting, and tricky.  If you know my personality you won't be that surprised with what I thought of.  I asked my mom (who's maiden name is Callison) if Uncle Carl was still part of the municipal police.  Turns out he was.

Uncle Carl said he would be willing to pull this girl over, but he got off work at 5:00, and he couldn't do it before then, and he couldn't stay as a cop when he was off duty, so it had to be exactly at 5:00 or it wouldn't work.  I called the vet clinic.  The vet's wife answered.

"Hey, this is Scott.  I'm the one that's been dating Teasha.  Is she there?  I wanted to plan something secretly."
So the vet's wife shooed her out of the office by making her clean the kennels.
"Ok, she's gone, what are you planning?"
"My uncle is a cop.  I'd like to pull her over just for fun, but it would have to be right at 5:00.  Is that possible?"
"Just for fun?  If a guy I was dating had done that to me I would be ticked!  Of course I'm in on this.  We'll try to rush the clean up as best we can, but I can kick her out right at 5:00."

So when Teasha was kicked out of work at 5:00 I was in the back of my uncle's patrol car.  We watched her get into the panel wagon, and as she drove off we swooped in.  When Carl pulled her over he looked me,
"Scott, we've got an issue.  What do I say she did?  She wasn't speeding, she stopped at the stop sign, what do I say?"
"I dunno!  You're the cop, what do you pull people over for?"
"Umm.... let's do the gas skip, that should be interesting."

Peeking from the back of the car I saw him swagger to the car.  When he came back he was grinning,
"You'll never believe it!  She actually bought gas this morning!!  What luck.  Hey, she's a cute one too, make sure you hold on to this one.  Are you guys officially 'dating' dating?"
"Well, I don't think we're boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but I sure wouldn't mind if we were."
"All right, do you want me to ask her?"
"NO!  Don't you dare!  I'd die.  What if she says no?  Just take her to the Arby's on the outskirts of town where I've got a car parked."
"Are you sure?  I really think I could get her to talk about you..."

So it took us a good while to resolve our argument.  In the end he agreed to not discuss our dating situation, and I agreed to not throttle him with his own pair of handcuffs.

"So, you're name is Teasha?  Do you have any plans for tonight?"
Long pause.  I am going to throttle Uncle Carl.  I can tell where he's going.

"Yes, I have plans, thanks for asking."
"Oh?  Do you have a boyfriend then?"
I knew it.  Let me die.  I probably deserve this for playing such a mean trick on Teasha.

"I've been dating a guy named Scott"
"Yeah, so are you serious, or would you consider going with other guys?"
"No, I am serious, he's my boyfriend and I'm not interested in looking at other guys."

I popped up from the back seat, "Wow!  That is so awesome to hear!"

Teasha turned to face me and passed through several emotions from anger to relief and excitement to exasperation.  Ten minutes later we discussed her bad day over milkshakes.  Turns out once she saw the plan from the other side everything made sense, and things that seemed to be so bad that day weren't actually as bad as she thought.  Some of them were actually leading to good things.  I have learned that when my day goes from bad to horrible to worst if I am patient and wait on the Lord eventually I will see how they have been to my benefit.  Maybe preparing me for something later in life, maybe something I needed to learn about myself.  Once I see the Lord's view of the whole plan I understand how God has never left me alone, and it gives me more strength to wait for the answers to prayer the next time I find myself in a day that can't possibly get any worse.

What Do You Want Me To Do?

Every now and then I get tested beyond what I thought I could handle.  This story I think I reacted well to it, but it's only because I remembered a similar story from church history.  One day in a statistics class I managed to handle the meanest lecture I ever received by thinking about a story between Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

My undergraduate degree was from SUU, a small school, so the Master's program at BYU seemed overwhelming.  There were times I felt like I was playing catch up to the students who had gotten their bachelor's degree at BYU.  One day I received a homework assignment that I couldn't even begin because I didn't know the notation.  The assignment had new variables that we had not discussed in class, and used subscripts in a way that I had never seen.  I scoured the assignment for clues as to what the symbols meant, but there was nothing.  My friend Paul didn't know and couldn't guess either.

At the beginning of class I raised my hand, "I'm having trouble with the homework.  There seems to be some explanations you didn't include for some of the notation, and I need the missing clarification before I can start."

The teacher moved to the other side of the classroom so that he could be standing right in front of my desk, "Don't you dare call me stupid!  If you try to say I'm stupid then I'll turn it right back around on you!  There has been a lot of respect lost in today's society, but at BYU and especially in my classroom you will treat me with respect as the teacher, and as a person.  Never try to insult someone's intelligence unless you're absolutely sure you can win that sort of battle.  If you tried to get a job with that sort of attitude you would be thrown out faster than you can speak, and I could easily have you tossed out of here, but fortunately I'm going to show more thought than you did and allow you to stay.  You might think you're better than me, but I bet if we compared you'd find out I'm not as dumb as you think...."

At this point I turned to Paul behind me and discreetly mouthed,  "Is he really being serious or funny?"  Paul was wide eyed, "I think he's serious."  I turned back around.  No smirk, no melodrama, for another 5 minutes he went on about how stupid I was to call him stupid, and how I needed to show the class and the instructor more respect if I ever wanted to amount to anything in life and not end up stupid myself.  Then he asked, "Now what did you want to say?"

I don't know if you can guess what I felt.  I was unjustly accused and belittled in front of a class of my peers.  I was obviously misunderstood, and "only a fool takes offense when no offense was intended".  Whatever happened to "And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone"? (D&C 42:88) Here was a man that I had trusted as my teacher who was slaughtering me, and really had no idea why!

I remembered the quote (which I can't find) "When someone says something horrible, or even untrue about me, I always look first to see if there is an element of truth to what they are saying. Usually I find that there is." What were my words?  I had said that my teacher left clarification off the homework.  I didn't think he would take it personally, but maybe he prided himself on his homework.  Maybe he felt like only a stupid person would leave necessary things off the homework, and he was confident that he had not made such a mistake.  Whether I felt like it was justified or not to him he felt very hurt by my words.

Then I remembered the story of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.  Apparently Joseph Smith chastised Brigham Young unfairly, and rather than retaliate Brigham simply asked, "What would you have me do?"  It reminds me of the "A soft answer turneth away wrath:" (Proverbs 15:1).   I looked at the professor and said, "I really apologize if my words were offensive.  It was unintentional.  What would you have me to do?"

He responded, "Just tell me what homework problems you needed help on."  I asked one question, which he clarified.  Then he continued his lesson.  I was still pumping with adrenaline, but I managed to sit through the class calmly.  After class several students came to me to make sure I was ok, and I got my other homework questions answered.  They told me this teacher was a coach in his spare time, and he was just that way.  I felt the impulse to say rude things about him, but I made an effort to resist.

Now with time I can look back on the incident and I am so thankful I resisted the desire to lash back.  This professor would not have changed based on my input, but it could have damaged me spiritually to seek revenge.  A story from church history had given me the little extra push I needed to keep control.  These kinds of stories give me the motivation to study more church history because the Lord will help me remember them when I need them.

King Benjamin's Race

What percentage of your time do you spend thinking about yourself?  It's a serious question - even when I say I'm thinking of other people I'm usually thinking about how they can help me, or about what I get out of helping them.  This is embarrassing to say, but many times I do service because I am seeking blessings from the Lord and not because I want to help the other person.  Sadly this selfish attitude means I sometimes put my own wants in front of other people.  That is especially hurtful when the other person has spend a lot of time trying to serve me.

That goes double for teachers who spent hours preparing a lesson only to have me derail it.  I like to think I am not as bad now, but there was a time when I would look for ways to be funny or annoying during a lesson just to get the attention for myself.  Even during Sunday School or Seminary when the lesson was on thinking of others.  Like Brother Eastmond's lesson based on King Benjamin's speech.

King Benjamin taught his people to serve and work and to look towards Christ.  The reason was "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17)  My junior year of seminary Bro. Eastmond was teaching us this lesson from the Book of Mormon, and he proposed a race to teach us about following the words of King Benjamin.  We would be given a set of directions, and if those directions were followed precisely they would lead us to a second set of directions.  That would lead to a third, then a fourth, and finally a fifth set of directions.  The class would be broken into teams, and whichever team could do the course in the shortest amount of time would be declared the winner.

As my team waited for our turn something was tugging at my memory.  It was something my sister had told me.  She was four years older than me, and had taken the Book of Mormon class with Brother Eastmond.  She once came home very impressed with a lesson.  I remember she said that Bro. Eastmond had challenged the class to complete a race, and everyone thought the purpose was to prove how quickly they could follow instructions.  What they didn't realize was that along the course Bro. Eastmond had planted people who needed help.  A girl who was crying alone, a young man searching to something in the grass, a pair of boys trying to carry a heavy box, a car that was stalled and wouldn't start.  Julie said she was so proud of her time, until the people they had ran past walked into the room.  Then her head hung in shame.  She knew she had missed the true point of the race.

But I knew!!  It was like having a secret power!  I could be super cool - the guy that won the race and was super kind hearted!  Everyone would wish they had been like me, and I would have shown them the proper way to be charitable.  I quickly gathered my team and explained what I knew.  One of the girls on my team suggested we play along and pretend we didn't know, but I told her it would be more fun to outsmart the teacher.  We waited for our turn.

We were chosen to go last, and when we left we asked the crying girl if she was ok, we helped the guy look for his contact lens, we carried a heavy table, and helped some guy start his truck.  We walked back to the classroom triumphantly.   The teacher then asked his helpers to come in.   I saw the other teams recognize the distressed kids and they looked shamed at their uncharitable attitudes.  This was my moment of glory.

Then the teacher said, "So I apparently one of the teams figured out what this was really about, which I guess ruins it for them, but for the other teams, let's talk about why you passed these people up, and what you have learned."

My heart sunk.

I ruined it for my team?  I had saved my team!  I was the hero, but I could tell in Bro. Eastmond's voice that he knew exactly who had spilled the beans and why.  He was kind enough to not call me on it, but I started thinking.  What had I ruined?  The other students were saying things like, "I was in such a hurry I didn't stop to think about how the other people were feeling..." and "I wanted to win and so I didn't care what got passed up..."

The spirit apparently couldn't pass up the opportunity to add his comments.  Bro. Eastmond had spent hours orchestrating an object lesson that would cause us to act the way we act in the real world.  He had carefully chosen which students would help him and where they would be and what they would need, and his goal was to create a scenario that could be diagrammed to learn about service.  Then one of his students ruined the surprise that was key to the lesson.

What was I trying to teach?  How cool I was?  How to outsmart the teacher?  I was so focused on myself that I didn't think about what was most valuable to the class.  The spirit made a point to mention that not only did I ruin the lesson for myself, but I dragged the rest of my team down too.  In a classroom of students who were ashamed of their selfishness I was three times as embarrassed as any of them.

How often have I goofed off during the lesson, or tried to make the object lesson backfire?  How many times have I tried to find a funny answer to the question, or give the wrong answer just to see the teacher react?  How many times have I told myself their lesson was boring, and I was actually doing them a favor by throwing in a little humor?  "And now, I say... that after ye have... been taught all these things, if ye should... come out in open rebellion against God; ...and repent not, ... the demands of divine justice do awaken thy immortal soul to a lively sense of your own guilt." (Mosiah 2:36-38).

Bro. Eastmond challenged us to look around and find ways to serve, then mentioned, "Please don't tell anyone about this object lesson, I want it to still be a surprise for the other classes.  It's important to see how they react without knowing they're being tested."   I thought to myself, 'Don't worry, Bro. Eastmond.  I've got that part now.'

I made a promise right then to perform a specific type of service: help the teacher.  Instead of trying to get the spotlight I would try to figure out how the teacher wanted the students to learn, and to help.  Sometimes that means staying quiet, sometimes that means sharing my own thoughts, but it never means trying to make myself look cool.  When I help the teacher I am actually serving Christ, because as King Benjamin put it, "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." (Mosiah 2:17).

Reasons not to Visit

As a young man I was often jealous of those who lived a wicked life.  To be able to do what felt good whenever I wanted seemed like a ideal way to live.  Then I would meet people who were doing things I had been taught were wrong.  Rather than being miserably sad I discovered they were usually quite happy.  Take my friend Burt (name changed).

Burt lived a few houses away from Simon, and you could often find Burt at his friends house.  He admitted to me one day that at Simon's house the computer was not monitored, and they could browse any website they wanted.  I was 14, and the internet was fairly new, so I suspect Simon's parents didn't know how dangerous internet pornography could be.  Come to think of it, I doubt I guessed how dangerous pornography was, because I thought that sounded interesting.  Unfortunately our house rules on visiting friends made it so I couldn't go, and somehow deep inside I knew it was wrong, so I never visited Simon's house.

And yet things seemed to go well for Burt and Simon.  I understand why Jeremy said, "Wherefore doth the way of the wicked prosper? wherefore are all they happy that deal very treacherously?" (Jeremiah 12:1).  It didn't seem fair that each of them went to church and the young men's president said what good examples they were.  They did fine in school, and their parents weren't aware of what was going on.  Once I tried to talk to Burt about it, and I suggested he tell his parents what was going on, but Burt said he wasn't hurting anybody, and it wasn't a big deal, and besides it was a lot of fun.  I started to wonder if he wasn't right.   Too bad I wasn't allowed to visit Simon's house too.

"And all that fight against Zion shall be destroyed, and that great whore, who hath perverted the right ways of the Lord, yea, that great and abominable church, shall tumble to the dust and great shall be the fall of it." (1 Nephi 22:14)  This prophesy from Nephi has several interpretations, but it helps me to know that every idea, person, or thing that is contrary to the commands of God is part of the "whore" which will eventually bring disappointment.  That is why the Savior said, "But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:" (Matthew 6:20).  Only those things which bring us closer to Christ will bring lasting happiness.

I share this story because I know how it turns out.  There are others that chose a wicked life who I have lost track of, but I have faith that at some point they will either choose to repent or they will regret their choice.  There are some who choose lust and greed over righteousness, and they are still living a riotous life, but I have faith that some day their choice to abandon what they knew was right will lead them to sorrow.  Just because I don't see the pain that results from every unrighteous choice doesn't mean I should doubt the truth.  All the money, the prestige, the high scores on video games, the awesome movies, the clever schemes, alcohol, drugs, immorality - anything that doesn't lead to Christ will eventually lead to sorrow.

Burt went to Simon's house regularly, and he seemed just like every other faithful LDS kid, until it was time to serve a mission.  Suddenly he realized how much he would be asked to give up.  I suspect he had slowly eroded away his faith and pushed away the spirit until the idea of giving up 2 years to serve a mission seemed silly.  Burt joined the military without telling anyone, and after high school he was gone.  His family was surprised and hurt by his secretive nature, and soon he was estranged from his family.  I am guessing his family and friends tried to encourage Burt to return to church because soon he stopped communicating with them. He married at some point, but I don't know when.  He was living life the way he wanted without asking what the Lord wanted him to be doing.

A few years ago I ran into Burt again.  He had returned home and was trying to pick up the pieces of his life.  His marriage was ruined and the divorce painful.  He was addicted to cigarettes and felt uncomfortable at church.  He had found the army wasn't offering him the career choices he wanted, and his attitude of selfishness wasn't earning him favor with his officers.  He had left the army and was trying to go back to college after being gone for years.  It was difficult and painful.  I won't pretend to know everything, but the spirit testified to me that his decision to visit his friend for wicked reasons had lead to more sorrow than pleasure ten times over.

It is critical for me to choose friends that encourage me to live righteously.  When I look at those people who enjoy wicked living I remember Burt, and I repeat what the scriptures have said about following the world instead of Christ.  Every opportunity to sin that I have passed up has led to blessings, and every wrong choice has lead to pain, but it takes faith to be patient when I see people who are enjoying wicked living.  I choose to wait on the Lord and to avoid places that I know invite sin.