Elder Humor

As a missionary in Brazil we traveled during transfers by bus.  I remember when I was first assigned to be the district leader in Curitibanos the bus ride was several hours of cramped bumpy riding.  When I finally arrived it was past the official bedtime, and I was worn out.  I had traveled with another missionary who would also be serving in Curitibanos with a different companion.  The four of us were in the same house, Elder Martins would be waiting for me while Elder Maciel was waiting for Elder Williams who had traveled with me.  We passed an open supermarket and grabbed a bite to eat on the way to our new home as well as breakfast food for the next day.

We entered the apartment and found Elder Martins and Elder Maciel standing at attention in the hallway in pajamas.  I said hi, put the breakfast food in the kitchen, and found them still standing at attention in the hallway.  Both were native Brazilian, and I knew many Brazilians served in the military for a year before their missions.  I was so tired I didn't have time to play the military leader.  I said goodnight to them.  They replied "Goodnight Elder Crawford" and everyone turned in.  I remember vaguely hoping they weren't going to try to turn our apartment into a boot camp.

The next morning I was still tired, but by the time I was showered, dressed, and heading for breakfast I found Elder Maciel at the table eating cereal.  He had his tie on, shoes on, his hair was brushed, and he was sitting straight reading his scriptures while he ate.  I looked at myself and realized I was either slow or this guy was a genuine machine.  Still he hadn't said more than three words to me.  Typically the first day has a "get to know you" feel, but these Elders didn't seem the warm type.

I didn't want to interrupt his scripture reading, so I poured a bowl and conveniently sat across the table from him.  I decided I'd try just a little experiment to see how Elder Maciel would react.  I made a show of being really excited to eat my cereal, doing a little dance and dramatically dipping my spoon into the bowl.  As soon as the spoon was hidden under the milk I deftly twirled it so that it came out upside down.  I pretended not to be watching as the upside spoon (obviously empty) went into my mouth.  I made a confused face, pulled the spoon out and stared at it.  With my left hand I reached around and turned the spoon right side up.  I stared at it for a second suspiciously and then dropped it in the milk again.  I looked around as if embarrassed.

Elder Maciel's eyes were locked on me, the scriptures still held motionless in his hands.

The spoon came out upside down again as I nodded to Elder Maciel.  I put the spoon in my mouth and pulled it out with a look of bewilderment.  I craned my neck to see the underside of the spoon.  My left hand turned it around and I stared at it daring the spoon to flip again.  With a resigned shake of my head I dipped it in the bowl again, looking around at Elder Williams near the sink.

Elder Maciel's eyes were huge.  He sat ramrod straight staring at me as I were an alien.

The spoon came out upside down and just before I put it into my mouth I looked down.  With a look of utmost rage I banged the spoon on the table.  "Elder Williams!" I called, "Can you get me a new spoon?  This one seems to be broken."

Suddenly the table was shaking.  Elder Maciel was laughing.  I did it!  I cracked him!  I broke the stone faced Elder!  He chuckled, threw his head back and laughed.  Putting his hand over his mouth he giggled.  Elder Williams came over and asked what I had done.  I waved him off saying I'd explain later and watched Elder Maciel clutch his side with fits of laughter.

After a minute of watching Elder Maciel laugh Elder Williams and I were laughing ourselves at his guffaws.  Elder Martins came in with eyes huge and asked what was going on.  I explained to everyone how I was pretending my spoon wouldn't stay right side up and Elder Maciel tumbled off his chair and lay on the floor whooping and laughing.   I noticed Elder Martins wasn't looking at Elder Maciel, he was looking at me, as if worried I would be angry, but I was just glad to see these two acting like real people instead of drill sergeants.

Elder Maciel laughed, rolled on the floor and laughed some more.  Elder Williams and I laughed at his antics.  Then he guffawed, tipped his head back and roared with laughter.  Then he snickered and hooted and chortled.  He chuckled with hysterics, and curled his knees up in giggles.  I looked at my watch.  It was going on a good three minutes now.  The joke was kind of dead.  Elder Maciel laughed and laughed.  I looked at Elder Williams, who looked at me with this expression of "What did you do to my companion?"

Elder Maciel grabbed his knees and let loose a new bout of laughing fits.  I looked at Elder Williams and I'm sure we both had the same worried expression on our faces.  Elder Martins just stood there staring at Elder Maciel with a look of half amusement, half grief.  My goal had been to crack Elder Maciel - to break him.  Maybe I did it too well.

Going into four minutes of straight laughter I turned to Elder Martins.   "What's going on?   Is there something I should know?  It was maybe funny, but it wasn't this funny.  This isn't a normal reaction.  Do you know what's wrong with Elder Maciel?"

For the first time Elder Martins's figure relaxed, and he slumped into a chair.  "Elder Crawford, this is our first area.  We were in the Sao Paulo MTC together and we both assigned to Curitibanos 3 months ago.  At the MTC Elder Maciel was always the funny one in the group.  He told jokes, played tricks, and made the long days of studying fun.  I was glad to be serving with him.  The previous District Leader was Elder Maciel's companion, and as soon as he saw how jovial his companion was he put a stop to it immediately.  Within a few days we had rules about no jokes, no laughing, and punishments for Elders who disobeyed.  He told us that when we joked around we were demeaning our sacred call from the Lord Jesus Christ, and it was like we were crucifying him anew.  He read D&C 88:121 'Therefore, cease from all your light speeches, from all laughter, from all your lustful desires, from all your pride and light-mindedness, and from all your wicked doings.'  He told us that laughing was next to adultery and idolatry.  When Sarah laughed in Genesis 18:12 the Lord chastised her.  I haven't seen Elder Maciel smile in three months."

After 5 minutes of laughing Elder Maciel gained control of himself and got back in his chair.  His expression was like a victorious marathon runner.  "Elder Maciel?"  I asked, "Would you like to talk?  What have your past three months been like?" 

"Like all the joy in the world had been killed.  Like eternity would be nothing but misery."

I asked the Elders if I could go on splits to have a chat with Elder Maciel.  Kindly they didn't have an issue with it.  He told me, "Elder Crawford, a week ago I decided to go home.  I just couldn't take it anymore.  I've prayed and asked God for help, but everything I did was an insult to God.  If I told a joke I was evil.  If I laughed I was sinful.  Everything I did was an insult to my sacred calling and dragged down the missionary work for me and everyone around me.  I was so miserable.  If this is what it means to be a disciple I wasn't sure I wanted to be one.  Besides, it sounded like the best thing I could do for the missionary work was to take myself out of it.  I asked God to help me know if it was the right decision.  Then my companion was transferred."

He continued, "I had learned how to not be hurt by my past companion.  I had learned to stay very quiet, to do exactly as told, to say the right things at the right time.  If I had to learn what the new District Leader wanted all over again it would be too much.  Still I decided I wait until you came to officially put in my mission resignation.  Don't get me wrong, I want to serve the Lord, but if I'm not missionary material I might as well stop suffering with it.  Then last night you came in, you barely said three words and went to bed.  I could tell you were a good missionary because you didn't laugh, didn't joke, and you were all about the business of the Lord.  You were everything I wished I could be.  I decided I could never be as good as you, and so I needed to go home.  I prayed that at some point the Lord would help me see how I could be like you, but I knew it wouldn't happen anytime soon."

Then he looked at me and smiled, "Then that spoon thing!  It was so obvious you were making it up, such a lame joke, but it was a joke!  The spirit told me you were not a bad missionary, but you were goofing off during breakfast!  And then I started laughing and I just couldn't stop.  I knew it was wrong to laugh, but I was leaving anyway so I just let it out.  It felt like all the pain and misery of the last three months was bleeding out with each laugh.  I felt happy and energized.  Most surprisingly I don't feel like I've offended the spirit.  I feel like I could testify of the goodness of the Lord again.  I feel better now than I have been in months.  So tell me, is it wrong to laugh?"


 I sighed, "Elder, Maciel, I don't pretend to know all the answers, and I do think that goofing off can get out of hand.  That story of Sarah in Genesis?  She laughed because she couldn't believe the Lord would bless her with a child.  In D&C the Lord is clear that the excessive and loud laughter was demeaning to the spirit.  I think it's very easy to goof off too much - even Joseph Smith said "I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God" (JSH 1:28).  I suppose there are many times I have been guilty of that - going too far and getting out of control."


I looked at him, "But I think it's just as bad to sin the other way.  "Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy!" (2 Nephi 2:25).  The Lord doesn't want us to be sad.  After Sarah's child was born she said, "all that hear will laugh with me." (Genesis 21:6)  She knew her blessing would bring such joy that laughter was inevitable.  Psalms 2:4 says "He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh".  I think God has a sense of humor.  The prophet Gordon B. Hinckley is often laughing!  I use laughter to help me view things in the proper light - some are trivial, some are not trivial, but they will pass."

We talked about the purpose of life, the scriptures, sins and blessings.  In the end we decided there was some ideal middle ground - happy and good natured without being out of control or sacrilegious.  I told Elder Maciel that if he was the jovial type, then I wanted him to perfect himself by starting where he was, and not change his personality to match what I or any other missionary thought he should be.  I told him he could expect a lot of joking around and goofing off with me, and I asked him to help me see when my lightheartedness was inappropriate.  Where he had thought missionaries were supposed to be sad, I planned to make it our apartment a place of joy.  "Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh." (Luke 6:21)

I'd like to add a footnote that our humor never went too far.  I'd like to add that footnote, but in good conscience I don't think I can.  I still remember the prayer that everyone snickered through.  I'll even admit I still haven't perfected self control enough to claim I avoid inappropriate laughter.  But I'm working on it, and if the Lord is patient with me I will improve.  When I get down on myself I remember Elder Maciel and I realize it could be worse - I could have no sense of humor!  Elder Maciel and I share a common personality, and in our discussion we both progressed just a little more.  When Elder Maciel finished his mission with honor he wrote to me and told me how his testimony of the Savior had grown.  Someday in heaven I will meet him again with a hug and we will laugh and share our life's story.

Hometeaching Russ

Usually home teaching follows a typical pattern.  You call and make an appointment.  The family graciously allows you to come into their home.  You share a message.  At the end you ask the family if there's anything you can do for them.  When they decline you remind them that they are always welcome to call.  There is a prayer said before you go.

Usually.

Sometimes it ends up being a life changing experience.  As a freshman I remember my home teaching companion, John, was a senior.  We were both single, and one of our home teaching assignments was a girl in the women's dorm.  When we knocked on the door 6 young ladies greeted us with squeals of delight "Ooh!  Home teachers!  We've never had home teachers come before!  Are you here for all of us or one of us in particular?"  The truth was only one of them, but we looked at each other and coolly replied, "Why all of you of course.  You say you've never seen your home teachers before?"  It was a delight to be so highly desired.  After we left and their dorm door closed behind us my companion John turned to me, "Want to try another door?"   We knocked next door, and our first question was "Have you had your home teachers come through before?"  Once we were sure we weren't going to get busted we introduced ourselves as their home teachers and shared a delightful lesson.  We ended up home teaching 3 and sometimes 4 dorm rooms full of girls.  My companion ended up marrying one of the 20 girls we taught out of that dorm building.  Ironically it was the only girl we were actually supposed to be teaching.  Life changing indeed.

But the home teaching assignment that changed my life was Russ.  That was in my home town in a ward with a large boundary.  My newly assigned home teaching companion was a new member, and  I figured it was my duty to show him what good home teaching was like.  I contacted him the first week we got our assignments.  One of our assignments was to Russ and his family.

There's always this feeling that you can wait one more week.  I remember being tired, and my companion wasn't that eager to get going.  Still, just like the Nephites gearing up for war I felt I was"doing that which they felt was the duty which they owed to their God" (Alma 43:46).  This was what I was supposed to do, so let's just get it done.  I approached Russ at the end of church and said,

"Hey, Russ, we've just been assigned to be your new home teachers.  Would you mind if we planned a time to come visit?"

"WHAT!  Are you serious?  Are you really serious?  You're my home teacher?"

This is not a typical first reaction.  He was gazing at me intensely and I could tell he was agitated.  Had I done something offensive?  Quickly I reviewed my memory for interactions with him.

"Uh, yeah, really.  I was thinking either this afternoon or maybe next week..."

"WOW!  Really!  You're my home teachers!  Hey, um, that's great, that's really great!  You're my home teachers?"

"Um.  Yup.  For real.  Say, Russ, do you think we could plan a time to come by?"

"Yes!  Anytime!  Just say when and I'll be there!"

"Ok.... can we come this afternoon, say 1:00?"

"No.  No that won't work.   Can you pick a different time?"

"Uh - like 3:00, or 7:00?"

"Nope.  No - can you pick a different day?"

"Uhhhhh.  Would Tuesday evening work?"

"No, that won't do.  When else could you come?"

I looked at my companion.  I thought I knew Russ as a sensible guy, but his reaction was a little extreme on the eager side, and now it was extreme on the hesitant side.  Finally I offered Thursday afternoon, and Russ ecstatically said that was perfect and he was looking forward to it.

Later my companion (who hadn't done much home teaching before he was baptized) asked if that was typical.  I told him that was definitely an unusual reaction, but it was much better than trying to home teach someone who didn't like our visits.  I couldn't tell if he was being funny or just having a strange day, but I could roll with either one.

On Thursday we went to Russ' house.  He got his wife and sons in the living room, and we shared a lesson.  He made sure his two teenage boys weren't playing or reading, and everyone was very nice.   It was a good visit.  As we left he escorted us out and asked us when we planned on coming back.  I figured in a month, but if he liked our visits we could swing by earlier, say in two weeks.   He said that was great, he loved having us come, and we set up an appointment two weeks later.  I asked him if he previous home teachers came very often.  Turns out they never came.  At least that explained his surprise when we wanted to come visit.

At this point something interesting happened.  You see, I've taught families that didn't really like our visits, and they are always hard to call.  You just know you're bugging them.  I've taught families that were indifferent, and it's hard to find the time.  But Russ loved it when we came.  He thanked us repeatedly, and he paid careful attention.  Sometimes we would try to set up a time to visit and he would tell us no, but then he would offer suggestions until we found a time that would work.  Because Russ was so happy to have us visit we loved setting up appointments and visiting with him.  Often after our lesson he would bear a strong heartfelt testimony.

We became friends, and my companion became more eager to be part of the home teaching.  We would plan regular times to visit, and it was more than once a month.  Sometimes when I felt like it I'd swing by Russ' house just to see how he was doing.  His sons put up with us, his wife was quiet, but Russ participated in the lessons.  Because Russ was happy to see us we didn't feel annoyed when we needed to call him, I found myself putting a little extra time into preparing the lesson, and it wasn't hard to remember to do my home teaching.  The "chore" of home teaching became a joy.

One day my companion and I were visiting a different family, and we decided to stop by Russ' house to see how he was doing.  We found him outside working on his car.  We chatted for a bit, and he said he would invite us in to give a lesson but his sons were gone.  He said he always tried real hard to make sure we came when he knew his sons were home.  That was why he sometimes said no to our appointments.  Then he told me an astounding story.

He told us that there had been a time when he wasn't really close the church.  He was interested in other things, and didn't attend church for a while.  His sons were little, and he figured it wasn't a big deal.  He had always planned on going back to church - there was just other things he was doing at the time.  Then one day he realized his sons weren't exactly little anymore.  Time had gone fast and he started to see what he was missing.  He yearned for the spirit and returned to regular church attendance.  As he saw what he had been missing his spirituality grew.

He gained a strong testimony and had learned the hard way how to keep close the Lord.  But by then there was consequences.  His sons had decided they didn't want to go to church every week. 
As they went through their teenage years Russ became more spiritually sensitive, and his sons became more rebellious.  As Russ tried to encourage his sons to be more faithful they started to fight harder and argue more.  His wife wasn't the type to fight, and so the sons became less active while Russ became a steadfast pillar in the ward.

Finally he was hitting his breaking point.  Every Sunday turned into a fight, and young men's activities became a battle ground.  Russ was trying to teach the truths he had learned, but his sons had stopped listening.  Finally one Sunday morning he tried harder than ever to get his boys to church.  They slipped out of the house and disappeared.  Exhausted Russ wasn't sure if he could continue.  On his way to church he stopped and prayed.

He told Heavenly Father that he cared about his sons, but he didn't want to always argue with them.  He told God that he was tired and if he didn't get some help he would have to stop and give up on teaching his boys.  He loved them, but he didn't want to be the only one who was always lecturing them.  He prayed that if God would send him help he would keep trying - otherwise today was the end.

After church we told Russ we were his home teachers.  He wanted us to come that afternoon, but he realized his boys would probably not come home until late at night.  Tuesday his sons worked, but Thursday they should be home.  He told us how much he appreciated us coming into his home and saying things he wanted his sons to hear.  Since we were not the dad they didn't argue with us, and while they appeared to not be paying attention, at least they didn't storm off and leave.  It was the extra help Russ needed, and now he could testify in front of his sons without it being confrontational to them. 


I would love to say that we brought his sons back to full activity.  Later I heard one of his sons became active in the single's ward - likely because of a sister.  But the miracle was that when Russ needed help the Lord sent him home teachers.  When the scripture says "mine angels [shall be] round about you, to bear you up" (D&C 84:88) sometimes that refers to home teachers.  What if I had decided to not worry about it?  What if I had told myself it could wait until next week?  Since that day I have tried to promise myself I would never let home teaching take a back seat in my priority list.  Even when most visits follow a typical pattern, one of them might be an answer to prayer.