Prom help

I have a testimony of prayer.   It's a strong testimony that comes from many components.  I have felt the Holy Ghost testify that God hears my prayers, and I have seen how prayer helps me to be a better person.  And I have experienced answers to prayer.

Getting an answer to prayer is sometimes touchy.  The Lord doesn't always answer prayers the way we want.  Sometimes he does it in surprising ways.  Sometimes the answer the is no.  On occasion I have figured out later that what I was praying for wasn't appropriate.  Honestly sometimes I don't know why the answer was no, but even in those cases the spirit whispers that there is a reason.  Sometimes the prayer is answered - even when maybe the answer should have been no.  That's why I've learned to be careful what you pray for - God really does hear.  My senior year of high school the lesson was driven home.

This is a dating story, and you must realize my high school dating life is not exactly shocking.  As church leaders have suggested I did not date until I was 16, and even then it was a terrifying experience.  While it may be hard to believe now, I was somewhat dorky in high school, preferring math classes over PE and spending my spare time solving logic puzzles.  It's not a commandment to date in high school, but I knew I needed to develop my social skills, so every major dance I made an effort to go.  Unfortunately there was a general expectation that the guys ask the girls to each dance, which meant I had to go through the terrifying experience of asking the girls out.  The only thing to make it worse was the horrid tradition of asking a girl using some melodramatic method: like a singing quartet.  By the time my senior prom came I had asked a girl out a dozen times, and every time was a practice in anxiety.  Still it seemed proper that the senior prom should be something great.

Ever since middle school I had been in classes with Lindsey Fife.  She was intelligent, kept her standards, was kind, and beautiful.  That meant I would never ask her out.  Still.... senior prom.... Somehow I knew this might be my last chance if I ever wanted to date her.  It also meant graduation was near and if I made a fool of myself I would move away to college.  I decided I would casually investigate if she had been asked, and if not I would do it.  Two weeks before prom with a heart full of fears I went to school.

Usually before class I met with Jeff Holt.  He told me he was also planning on asking a girl who might be considered above his level.  That morning we asked each other the obvious: "So... did you ask her?"  Both of us stated that we were about to, and we weren't absolutely horrified sick about it.  We had different classes for first period, but ironically for both of us the girls we were considering happened to be in our first class.  Jeff said he would do it first period.  I said I would too.  I'm convinced neither of us actually wanted to but now there was macho male bravado spurring us on.

My anxiety led me to class ten minutes early, and behold!  No one else was there except Lindsey!  She was there alone - even the teacher was in her office.  I walked casually... well strolled, with a bit of coolness... no, no, too much swagger, keep it mature... dang, now I'm walking too stiffly I look like a stupid robot.... what if I sort of shimmy to show I have awesome dance moves?  Ok that did not look awesome, am I blushing?  GAH!

I hurried and sat down next to Lindsey... well not really next to her, you want to leave a chair between so it's not too creepy... actually it was more like three chairs between us, just to make sure it's not too forward..  still with an empty classroom I was practically sitting next to her.  Are my hands shaking?  She finally looked up for the first time.  I need to say something!  Make it cool, make it funny, make it intelligent......

"Uh, hey, what's up?"

She smiled and every emotion jumped.  Women never understand how they can yank a guy's feelings around.  "I'm excited!  Today the orchestra is going on a trip for a major competition and I think we're going to do well!"

"Oh, that sounds cool!  I know that's something you love.  When do you leave?"

"Right after the start of first period!  That's why I'm here early, I need to talk to the teacher about it and make sure I have everything I need.  I'll be gone a whole week."

My head spun - she was about to leave for a week long trip?  She would be back before prom, but only a few days before!  Surely if I waited it would be too late to ask her out - a girl needs time to get a dress.  Everyone knows you don't ask a few days before prom.  And now she would be gone!  This moment, right now is the only time I could have.  This was the chance to do something cool and ask her out.  If it wasn't in the next 60 seconds the teacher would come in and I would lose my only shot.  What could I do?  There wasn't time to bake a cake... don't have time to convince a police officer to pull her over... I don't think I'm going to be able to write a poem much less sing it..... GAH!

The only choice would be to straight up ask her to prom.  I would look at her and say 'before you go, would go to prom with me?'  But wait, had she already been asked?  I needed to find out whether she had been asked to the prom or not.  I needed to say something.. make it intelligent..... "Uh, well, a whole week huh?  That's really something!"

"Yeah!  It's a mark that we've been doing so well that we get to go to this.  I'm excited.  The best orchestra groups from all over will be there."

"Oh!  oh... well.... um.... that'll be... a whole week.   So ... I really hope you guys do well."

"Thanks!  That's sweet of you to say."

Dang it.  Double triple gosh darn stupid worthless.... if it weren't for this trip I could find some way to casually ask her what her schedule would be... find out if she'd been asked... then tomorrow I could do something cool to ask her.  Make a puzzle or something.   But not in 30 seconds.  It just wasn't possible.  As the teacher came in the classroom I decided it wasn't going to happen this morning, which means it wasn't going to happen at all.  Part of me relaxed and felt relieved.  Part of me died a horrible painful death.

A few minutes talking with the teacher, other students came in, the bell rang, and Lindsey left.

I lose.

Second period was Calculus with Mrs. Thomas.   Jeff had a seat next to mine, and I tried not to look at him as he sat down.  My only consolation was that he had the same social awkwardness I did, so at least we could share our failures.

"Pssst.... hey Scott... how did it go?"

I sighed.  I knew it was coming.  "Yeah, didn't work out.  How about you?"

"I asked her!  It was before class and nobody else was there, and I just did it!  I asked if anyone had asked her yet, she said no, and I asked if she wanted to go with me, and she yes!  I am so stoked!"

I groaned and put my head on my desk.  "She left to go to an orchestra thing, and I missed my chance.  I don't think I want to talk about it."  The only thing that could make my wounds hurt more was to know that Jeff had been in a similar circumstance and manned up to the challenge.  I officially win the ultimate loser contest.

With my head on my desk and my eyes shut tight I felt pain and shame and disappointment flood over me.  In my anguish I fell back to the one source of comfort I have always found. I said a prayer, "Oh Father.  I feel awful.  I don't usually ask for big things, but this was a big thing.  I don't see any way this could even be resolved, and I'm sure heaven doesn't really care about what happens to my prom, but I was wanting to ask Lindsey, and I tried but wussed out.  I would just ask, please let me be able to ask Lindsey.  It would take a miracle.  In the name of Jesus Christ amen."

I sat up, my face was probably a look a resigned failure.  Jeff asked, "Well... Scott... let's think of who else you could ask."

At that moment heaven intervened.  I was about to witness a miracle, although being filled with insecurity and pain meant my miracle would be terrifying.  What I would learn is "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matthew 7:7)  I had asked, and heaven had heard.  It was too late to take it back, for God had heard me, and "your Father which is in heaven give[s] good things to them that ask him" (Matthew 7:11).  Turns out God did care who I asked to Prom, because it mattered to me.

What I didn't know what the Mrs. Thomas had been watching me put my head on the desk, and she saw that my normally jovial attitude was sad.  She heard Jeff's comment and exclaimed in her loud voice, "Ask?  Scott are you asking someone to Prom?"

Great!  What could make me feel any worse than to have a teacher know?  It would be better to explain to her quickly and quietly before more students came in.  I mumbled, "Yeah, well, I was going to ask a girl, but I can't, didn't work out."

"Why?  What happened?"  (doesn't that women have a quiet voice?)

"Well, turns out she left this morning.  She'll be gone for a whole week.  I lost my opportunity."

"Really?  Who was it?" (is nothing sacred?  Better to fess up and end this conversation fast)

"Oh, Lindsey Fife.  I'm going to find someone else.  She was probably a bit above my level anyway.  I'm sure someone else asked her."

If this were a movie now would be a good spot to throw in a picture of an explosion.  I had just lit a fuse that could not be extinguished.

"LINDSEY FIFE!  Why I know her!  Boys sometimes don't ask out the best girls because they're afraid to.  Lindsey is going on the orchestra trip, but you know they are always late getting going - CHRIS!  We need to stop the orchestra bus that Lindsey is on - GO NOW!  KARLY - go find out what class her brother Steve is in and ask him if his sister has been asked.  LIZ!  Find her friend Sarah - she isn't in orchestra - and see if she knows whether Lindsey has been asked, BRITTANY!  Get on that bus if Chris managed to stop it and see if Lindsey has been asked.  EVERYBODY MOVE!  SCOTT'S PROM IS ON THE LINE!"

Just the memory of that moment makes me want to crawl in a hole and die.  I sat there ramrod straight and shaking so overwhelmed I couldn't even say anything.  Jeff and Doug were the only friends who knew of my plight, and suddenly my whole Calculus class knew.  Brittany was a cheerleader that I hardly knew, but I still knew her better than Liz.  In ten seconds this had exploded far beyond my ability to try to shove under a rug.  I was headed for unstoppable humiliation.  Why couldn't the Lord have helped me?  Instead I was being gutted like a fish for the amusement of everyone else.

As class started I realized something else - I had no choice but to ask Lindsey now.  Even if someone else had beaten me to it I would have to ask her at some point or face endless teasing from the rest of the school.  I would face my fear.

Chris and Brittany arrived a minute after class had started out of breath.  Apparently the bus was already moving as they ran out.  Chris ran in front of the bus while Brittany pounded on the door.  Brittany ran into the bus, shouted, "IS LINDSEY FIFE HERE?!"  A hand from the back slowly rose.  "HAVE YOU BEEN ASKED TO PROM YET?"  The answer was a timid no.  Brittany and Chris ran off the bus, ran all the way back to class and with huge grins reported to the class a successful mission.

Kill me now.  If ever there was an answer to any prayer I pray that the Lord may stop my heart and kill me this instant.

Karly came less than 60 seconds later saying she had been directed to Steve's class by friends it the hallway and he reported she had not been asked, and ten seconds later Liz said that Lindsey's friend also said Lindsey had not been asked.  Everyone practically glowed the accomplishment of such a difficult mission in such short time.  They spoke to Mrs. Thomas, but then nodded to me as if humbly acknowledging they had just saved my life.

Can I kill myself by holding my breath?  My gasp for air only made everyone think I was finally relieved.  Mrs. Thomas taught something (I have no memory of what) with a huge smile all day.  I would die later - there was no question.

On the other hand....

Lindsey hadn't been asked, and now I had over 35 really good reasons to follow through and ask her to Prom.  There was no wussing out now.

To the dozen or so that asked me later whether I had a plan I told them I did but it was a secret.  Truth be told when I went home I ran to my sister Julie and told her my horrid predicament.  With her help we called Lindsey's mom and found out exactly when on Saturday she would come home.  Julie helped me plan a cute message written with suckers planted in Lindsey's lawn Saturday evening.  Since the mom was informed two weeks early the dress could be acquired without stress.

Looking back it is true that I would not have chosen that method to be the answer to my prayer, and yet it seems oddly appropriate.  With an extra 20 years of experience to look back on it, I find myself thinking God knew what he was doing.  Isaiah said, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."  (Isaiah 55:8-9)  Perhaps the reason the Lord's ways are higher is that he has more experience.  The answers to prayers always come, but a greater level of experience means the Lord knows the best way to answer them.

Prom was great, partly because after Calculus class I wasn't as worried about humiliating myself.   We had fun with a murder mystery date with Jeff, John, and Doug.  Everyone had asked the person they most afraid to ask, and the dance went smoothly.  Incidentally I have another story of being proud of my date for wearing a modest dress, and this was the dress.  My prayers were answered with a blessing upon my head, and it was more than just that
night.  Later when I met a curly haired girl that would become my wife I may never have had the courage to ask her out without this experience.  I knew the Lord would help me, I knew he cared about me, and I knew he wanted me to grow socially and emotionally.  I know the Lord answers prayers.

My Father's Sense of Humor

 They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but maybe that depends on the perspective.  The tree probably says the apple is so close it can almost touch it, but the apple thinks it fell forever and can hardly see the trunk.  That has been true with my father and myself.  During those haughty teenage years I would probably have said there was only one trait I shared with my dad, and that was my sense of humor.  Years later I have realized that sense of humor carries more with it than I would have ever believed.


I suspect there is some disagreement from church members about whether a sense of humor is an appropriate topic for church.  J. Golden Kimball said, "The Lord must have had a sense of humor - he made all of you!"  Despite the fact that J. Golden quotes aren't considered doctrine there is strong evidence that the Lord approves of appropriate humor.
Ecclesiastes 3:4 says there is a time to laugh.
John 16:33 commands us to be of good cheer.
Moroni 7:16 says that which edifies and builds up is of God.
D&C 123:17 says we should do all things cheerfully.
Perhaps the strongest argument to me that a sense of humor is indeed a godlike attribute is to see how much humor is found in the leaders of the church.  Many leaders, especially prophets are known for a good sense of humor.  Howard W. Hunter said, "Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more." (The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, Chapter 14)  If those who are closest to the Lord have a strong sense of humor I claim that it can be considered a gift of the spirit.  My father helped me to understand what a sense of humor is, and how to seek after such a gift.

I have decided a sense of humor is really a complicated recipe of five other senses.  It takes the proper mix of all 5 of these senses to get good humor.  Like most gifts of the spirit the blessings are well worth the effort.  D&C 46:8 says "seek ye earnestly the best gifts."  For anyone wanting the recipe for laughter here is what I've learned.

A SENSE OF CONTROL

The first ingredient is self control.  Just because something will make people laugh does not mean it should be told, and just because something is funny does not mean you should laugh at it!  Even the type of laughter can be inappropriate.  That's why the scriptures often mention we should live "not with much laughter, for this is sin, but with a glad heart and a cheerful countenance" (D&C 59:15).  Laughter that is too loud or uncontrolled is not a Godlike attribute.  In Genesis 18:12 Sarah laughed because she did not think the Lord could fulfill his promise to her, and she was chastised for it. 


This is hard for me since I use laughter as an excuse to lose control.  My father on the other hand carefully chooses the times to use humor and who the joke is played on.  He has helped me understand that some opportunities need to be passed on, and some jokes shouldn't be carried on for long.  A good laugh needs to wait for the right circumstances.  Like when the family goes out to eat at a drive-thru restaurant.

(imagine a speaker phone voice):  "Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?"
My dad will flip his finger over his mouth while he speaks so that it comes out sounding like this:
"Ybtests Ihbdt ldidkbte tbod odbrbddbebtr bta btbrurbbgrdetr pdldetatse"
(Try it - flip your finger over you mouth while you talk.  It almost sounds like speaking but through a static filled underwater radio.  It's also slightly therapeutic.)
What happens next almost always goes the same way:
Pause
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't quite catch that, could you say it again please?"
"Ybtdedtbabdh, bdI sdatdibd Ihbdt ldidkbte tbod odbrbddbebtr bta btbrurbbgrdetr pdldetatse"
Pause
Pause
Pause
"Um, sir, I'm sorry, could you just repeat that one more time, please?"
"YbtdEdtbAbdH! I sdatdibd Ihb'Dt ldidkbte tbod odbrbddbebtr bta btbrurbbgrdetr pdldetatse"
"Sir?  I'm really sorry, we seem to be having a problem with the speaker.  Could you pull up to the window please?"
"Sbturderubre."
My father then pulls around to the window where a slightly frazzled looking young lady (sometimes guy) will say in the sweetest tone imaginable with a great big smile:
"I am so sorry.  That speaker's been having problems.  Could you please tell me again?"
My father puts his finger to his lips:

"Ybtdedtbabdh, bdI sdatdibd Ihbdt ldidkbte tbod odbrbddbebtr bta btbrurbbgrdetr pdldetatse"

From the first word the look in her face changes from shock to indignation to fury to relief and finally she/he will burst out laughing and duck back inside (usually slamming the window shut, although there was one time a large fry came flying through the car window first).

After 20 seconds or so the poor frazzled attendant returns and my father is bouncing with silent laughter as they both share a "Oh my goodness, I couldn't figure out what was wrong!" moment.  Then he orders the meal and when we drive off you can see the person inside still laughing and usually telling some coworker the story in glorified detail.

Dad's goal is not to embarrass them, but to make a long hard day at work just a little bit more interesting.  He's found a time when a person could use a laugh, and a way to bring them a smile and a story to tell so that their day just a little more interesting.  Their job is not put in jeopardy, and in the end they do not look stupid.  I've noticed he listens and watches carefully for signs that they are hitting their frustration limit, and he'll end the joke early if it isn't working. Although I have a long ways to go, watching my father has helped me pick up a few tips on having a sense of control. 

SENSE OF TIMING

My brain doesn't always follow the same mood as those around me.  There have been times when it would have been appropriate for me to be sad but my brain just thought of something really funny.  I used to think that if something could be funny in some scenario it must be funny in any scenario.  So not true.

The Savior understood this very well.  When Lazarus was sick the Savior understood that this would be the start of a wonderful story.  He said, "this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God might be glorified thereby." (John 11:4)  Still when he met Mary she was weeping.  The Lord knew Lazarus would rise, he knew it would have a happy ending, if it had been me I would have said something funny.  "Jesus wept" (John 11:35).  It was not the time for jokes, for clever comments that would mean more when Lazarus arose.  It was the time to join in the sorrow and show appropriate emotion.  Jesus had a sense of timing.

My father has this sense of timing.  At church the first priority is helping people grow their testimony.  In interviews his goal is to be a support and help for them.  It's only when there are no jobs to be done, or hearts that need comfort that humor is ready for use.  And my dad is a pro at watching for those perfect times and using them.  Like when the Bishop goes out to lunch without looking around.

One day the family went out to eat at Pizza Hut, and the Bishop came in with a stack of claim papers from work.  Apparently his mind was more on business than lunch because he never noticed my family finishing lunch in the other corner of the restaurant.  As he sat down with the frazzled look of a man who was having too long of a day my father determined this man could use a little humor to clear his head.

He called the waitress over, "I'll pay you now for a large beer if you'll go over and set it at that mans table and walk away without saying anything."  With tense anticipation we watched her plunk a large frothy mug in front of the bishop and walk away.  He glanced up nodding thanks and went back to his - head whip!  He looked at the mug... looked at his paper.... blink, blink... looked at the mug again... looked at the disappearing waitress... raised his hand and called to her as she turned the corner... looked at the mug... stared at the mug... his expression turned to shock!

Now what's funny is that he was a claims adjuster at work and probably forgot about his church calling of bishop while he was in work mode.  It took him a few minutes to register that a beer had been put on his table, and then you could see the gears in his mind churning as he tried to figure out what to do!  Because a bishop is the leader on the ward level he is often looked to as an example.  That means everything the bishop does is examined as a pattern for righteous living.

Seeing a beer on the bishop's table might just be confusing for anyone who noticed, so it certainly couldn't stay there.  But seeing a beer in the bishop's hand would be worse, so he can't pick it up!  Yelling for a waitress doesn't show proper decorum, and throwing a fit over some mistake isn't very Christlike.  Asking someone else to take it looks weird and could imply acceptance of drinking for other people.  He sat there for several seconds desperately trying to figure out a solution to the conundrum.  Then he looked around.

My father has a good poker face, but small children do not.  It took him all of two seconds to figure out exactly what had happened.  His face turned from panic to humor and with a sly grin he picked up the beer and headed towards our table.  Five seconds later we were driving away in the car laughing.  Later the bishop agreed that it was funny, and admitted that it gave him quite the chuckle when he needed a break the most.

Good timing is partly knowing how other people are feeling, and partly knowing what it most important.  Such a trick might not be appropriate in a different circumstance.  It also means you don't try being funny constantly - even humor is best in moderation.  My dad had many other interactions with that bishop as part of their church duties and it was rare for them to play tricks on each other.  The humor was more funny and more appropriate by keeping a sense of timing.

SENSE OF ETERNITY

There are a lot of unfunny things that happen in life - trials, disappointment, death, and pain.  But a sense of eternity helps us find which parts really matter and what is just part of life.  We need trials to learn and grow, but some people can get stuck on how life isn't fair or wishing things could have been different.  That's where a sense of what really matters in the eternities can help us laugh at ourselves.

In 500 years will this still matter?  That is the question that separates things that can be funny or should be serious.  Laughing at short term problems helps me to understand that my trial will not endure and hope will spring eternal.  It should not be surprising that Joseph Smith had a great sense of humor since he also had great visions of the eternal nature of things.  He worried about his sense of humor too, saying, " I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament." (JSH 1:28)

My dad has a good understanding of what is eternally important, and he uses humor to try to point that out to other people as well.  Restaurants are a place where we often meet strangers, and it's not at all uncommon for him to joke with people he doesn't know.  As we are being shown to our seat he will sometimes pause at a stranger's table and say, "Ooo!  That looks really delicious!  Do you mind if I try a bite?" Most of the time they look up at him like he's an alien, then they look down at their food... back up at him... then shrug and hold out a fork full of food for him.   He'll laugh and say, "No, no, I'm just kidding, nice of you to offer.  It does look good though.  Enjoy your meal."  And as he leaves he'll chuckle and they'll be smiling.  It's funny because they were offered a chance to be kind to a stranger in exchange for some of their food.  It emphasizes something of eternal importance with something that is of temporary importance.  When he leaves they realize they choose the truly valuable thing - to be charitable.  Fancy meals, expensive dinners, and creepy strangers don't really matter.  It's what's inside us that we should focus on.

Of course it doesn't always go well.  Sometimes they scowl and try to ignore him, or sometimes they refuse in a rude manner.  It's a risk you take when joking with people you don't know.  The worst are the ones who just sit there and stare.  My father has commented that you can tell a lot about a person's sense of humor by the way they react to uncomfortable situations.  It doesn't faze him because he knows in the eternal scheme of things his desire to bring them a smile matters more than the fact that it didn't work.  He trusts God to bless them for facing their trials, and bless him with a better ability to know which people will find it funny.  A sense of eternity helps him to not be discouraged when someone is offended.

There have been times when I thought my trials would never end and life could never be happy anymore.  Yet even as I write this the spirit testifies that some of my current trials really are temporary, and they will pass.  Being able to laugh at them is a way of testifying that they are not truly important when viewed with a sense of the eternal.

SENSE OF REVERENCE

"Does this make light of sacred things?"  If the answer is "maybe" then pass it up.  Learning what things are sacred is a lesson that I have sometimes learned the hard way.  "Better safe than sorry" was a slow motto to pick up.   There is a trend in modern humor to shock the audience with crude and obscene references.  The world's idea of funny is being twisted until it loses the Godlike beauty of humor.

 Swear words are called "profanity" because they profane sacred things.   Swear words (usually) fall into two categories: making light of sex or making light of God.   I have even been guilty of saying "Oh!  That was wrong... but funny!" as if that could justify laughing at an inappropriate joke.  Jokes about sex or God profane the sacred and is a form of blaspheme which was punished quickly in Old Testament times.  D&C 121:45 says "let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong"  That confidence is a key to having a good sense of humor.

My father understood what was sacred and how to treat it reverently.  That didn't prevent him from being funny - far from it.  That gave him the tools to be the right kind of funny.  His calling for many years was in the Stake Presidency, and that meant he would often travel to the outlying wards in the stake.  One Sunday it was his turn to speak in a distant ward that he hadn't visited in quite a while, so he stood in the foyer watching people enter the Sacrament room trying to see who he still knew.   One old lady noticed him standing idly in front of the doors and she stepped up to him saying, "Hi, how are you?"

It took my Dad two seconds to realize that a small town would naturally know everyone in the ward and he would have been conspicuously new.  So he leaned in and asked, "Is this a Mormon's church?"  With pride she answered, "Why yes it is, what do you know about Mormons?"  He thought for a moment and said, "Well, I feel like a know a bit, but I'm always interested to learn more..."  She beamed at the invitation and launched right into our beliefs about God, Jesus, scriptures, the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the restoration, the priesthood.  To her credit my father says this 70 year old lady was following the missionary discussions topic for topic.  After a while the meeting was about to begin.  My father thanked her for her insight, and said, "I see someone I know on the stand.  I'd like to go talk to them if I may."  He then marched up, shook the bishop's hand and sat next to him.  They announced President Crawford as presiding at the meeting, and later he gave a well prepared talk.  After the meeting was over he went to her and she immediately voiced, "I knew!  I knew the whole time!  In the stake presidency... oh I knew it!"  They had a great laugh together and he complimented her on her fantastic missionary skills.

That story is important to me because while my father did have some fun with this lady, you'll notice he didn't lie or mock sacred things to do it.  He merely invited her to share what she knew.  In the end a fantastic testimony was borne and the spirit was there.  That holy spirit augments the humor of the moment and bound them together as friends.  Imagine how differently it would be if he had tried to be funny by attacking the church's teachings and seeing if she could defend them.  My father knows that his sense of humor can be augmented by a simple sense of reverence.

SENSE OF CHARITY

The last ingredient to humor that I have noticed is a sense of charity, but that does not mean it is the least important.  It has been a challenge for me to predict what things will hurt someone's feelings before the joke is told, and unfortunately I can almost always tell after it's too late.   I will admit I have teased people and hurt their feelings in the past, and I have always... always... regretted it.  For example, my father genuinely dislikes having his picture taken.  I have been tempted to make this a joke in times past, until I realized how he felt.  Funny should never trump over love.

One of my father's tricks that I have noticed is how carefully he watched people to see when the joke is no longer funny.  Whenever we go to the store it's not uncommon for my father to ask the checkout clerk if the store accepts "Federal Reserve Notes".  Usually people do a confused look, and stammer something along the lines of "Umm.... Federal what?  I don't think so.  I'm pretty sure we don't."  

This is funny because "Federal Reserve Note" is the true name for a dollar bill.  Pull one out and look at it, you'll see "Federal Reserve Note" written along the top.  This name was used when the government stopped using gold bullion as the currency base and developed a money system based solely on the word of the US government.  It's funny because what the clerk is saying is basically "No, we don't accept money here.  You have to pay with something else."

This is a tricky joke to pull off because it boils down to a trivia question that the sales clerk doesn't know.  If it's done wrong the clerk is going to look stupid.  My father carefully waits until they've expressed confusion, but no longer.  Then he quickly pulls out a dollar and says, "Well here, let me show you one, see right here?  It says 'Federal Reserve Note'".  Then the clerk will see my father is chuckling and they'll laugh and say something like "Oh, well, in that case I guess we do!"  My father is smiling and laughing so they can see he is not mocking their stupidity.  He doesn't drag it on because he doesn't want to make them feel like a moron.  It is just a joke and nothing mean.  He'll usually tell them a little history of when the currency system was based on gold so that they understand he is a connoisseur of coins, and that's why he knew the name.  Then he'll finish with, "You know, it's backed by the US government, so that should tell you how much it's really worth!"  It's a joke that they can understand so that both of them share in the humor and no one is left feeling dumb.

Once I remember my dad asking if they accepted Federal Reserve Notes and the clerk immediately turned and signaled his supervisor to come over.  My dad launched into "No, no, I'm sorry, it was just a joke, here, see, it's another name for a dollar bill.  I was just being funny."  It was important to him that this stranger did not get in trouble with his supervisor over a joke.  When the supervisor came over my father told him about the joke and together they all laughed in a little bit of trivia.  He was more interested in ditching the entire joke than causing someone to feel embarrassed or belittled.  My father has a sense of charity.

These are the 5 ingredients that make a good sense of humor:
A sense of control
A sense of timing
A sense of eternity
A sense of reverence
A sense of charity

But my lessons don't end there.  You see a sense of humor is only an ingredient to greater senses.  The Lord said, " If thou art merry praise the Lord with singing, with music, with dancing, and with a prayer of praise and thanksgiving." (D&C 136:28).  The spirit will use our sense of humor to augment two other very important senses:


SENSE OF JOY AND GRATITUDE

"[The Spirit] can be more mind expanding and can make us have a better sense of well-being than any chemical or other Earthly substance.  It will calm nerves, it will breathe peace to our souls.  This comforter can be with us as we seek to improve… It can enhance our natural senses."  (James E Faust Ensign May 1989)

I've shared a lot of stories about my dad's humor, but don't forget he passed that on to his kids.  There was one time I can think of that we got my dad good.  After 15 years of being in the stake presidency my father was finally released.  My brother and I both lived 5 hours north of him, and we decided we would drive down to see him give his final talk as a member of the stake presidency.

With a perfect sense of timing we knew we could get there just a few minutes before the meeting started.  We wanted to be a few minutes early so we could let him know we would be there as befits a good sense of charity.  We were not planning on doing anything loud or obnoxious, since that would ruin the sense of reverence, but the surprise would shock my father enough to be funny.   We would share a happy quick reunion before the meeting to show a sense of control.  It would be funny because at a time great change for my father he would remember his sense of eternity and see his family which was what really mattered.  All the pieces fit for a nice surprise.

If only things had gone according to plan.

As we drove south to try to make it in time we noticed a man walking on the other side of the freeway.  Strange place to go for a walk.  Then we passed a car that was stopped on the other side of the freeway with a woman and several children inside.  My brother was quick enough to put the pieces together.  The car had stalled on the freeway and the man was walking to the nearest town for help.  The debate was quick and easy - we would honor our father more by helping this family in trouble than by being at his talk.  We flipped around and asked the lady if she needed help.  She was naturally uneasy about two guys helping her, but she asked if we could help her husband.  We caught up to the man and gave him a ride to the next town.  He called some friends and then we gave him a ride back to his family.  In the end they were relieved to be all together again, and happy that a solution was on it's way.  My brother and I were late.

We arrived at the church too late to tell my father we were there.  We found a corner to sit in the packed room, and shortly my father was announced to speak.  It was not the sense of timing nor reverence that we had aimed for, but we felt blessed that we were in time to hear him speak.  My father stood up and leaned on one elbow to give his well rehearsed talk.  Then as he scanned the crowd he saw my brother and I.

Now let me tell you my father is a polished speaker.  He never reads from notes, and he speaks sincerely from the heart.  He plans talks that incorporate scripture, the Savior, and life changing repentance.  He knows how to look the audience in the eye, and how to emphasize the important parts of his talk.  He would never preach his personal opinions or ideas, and he does not boast or whine.  His emotions are carefully controlled to avoid distracting the audience from the message.  I may never reach my dad's quality of public speaking.  He makes sure each talk is on target, and every single talk is well done.  Every single one - except this one.

When he saw us sitting in the audience he did a double take, opened his mouth in shock, and sputtered, "Well!"  He was genuinely surprised to see us, and I couldn't help smiling in spite of myself.  Yet such a reaction was certainly not part of polished speaking.  He turned back to his talk, then tears came to his eyes.  For the next ten minutes I heard the worst talk my dad has ever given.  He talked of his great love for us and the gratitude in his heart for the blessings the Lord had given him.  He talked of temple ordinances, and the blessing of having his family together in the temple.  He spoke of his desires for us to live worthy of the spirit and bore his testimony to us.  When I say us I mean only my brother and me.  I knew by the way he talked this was not part of his speech, and none of it was rehearsed.  I assume his talk was eventually discarded unused.

I remember that talk so vividly for many reasons.  My father had lost his polish, lost his rehearsed mannerism, and spoke straight from his heart.  The reason was simply because I was there with my brother to support him.  Although I have not always understood my dad that day I knew he loved me and he had a testimony.  I knew I loved him and that what he said was true.  The man who was so careful to control his emotions cried in front of a huge audience because his love for me made everything else insignificant.  Whether other people felt the spirit the way I did or not didn't matter to him.  At that moment he wanted me to feel his testimony because that was my dad. 

A sense of eternal family.  A sense of time for church.  A sense of charity between a father and son.  A sense of controlling the decision to help a family in need.  A sense of reverence for our testimonies of the Savior.  After the meeting we laughed at the surprise and  held an emotional reunion.  I learned that the fruits of good humor are a sense of joy and gratitude.  Both emotions spilled over as we shared stories of the day.  After far too short of a time my brother and I had to head back home.  I left changed.  My sense of humor had brought me closer to heaven.