What Do You Want Me To Do?

Every now and then I get tested beyond what I thought I could handle.  This story I think I reacted well to it, but it's only because I remembered a similar story from church history.  One day in a statistics class I managed to handle the meanest lecture I ever received by thinking about a story between Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.

My undergraduate degree was from SUU, a small school, so the Master's program at BYU seemed overwhelming.  There were times I felt like I was playing catch up to the students who had gotten their bachelor's degree at BYU.  One day I received a homework assignment that I couldn't even begin because I didn't know the notation.  The assignment had new variables that we had not discussed in class, and used subscripts in a way that I had never seen.  I scoured the assignment for clues as to what the symbols meant, but there was nothing.  My friend Paul didn't know and couldn't guess either.

At the beginning of class I raised my hand, "I'm having trouble with the homework.  There seems to be some explanations you didn't include for some of the notation, and I need the missing clarification before I can start."

The teacher moved to the other side of the classroom so that he could be standing right in front of my desk, "Don't you dare call me stupid!  If you try to say I'm stupid then I'll turn it right back around on you!  There has been a lot of respect lost in today's society, but at BYU and especially in my classroom you will treat me with respect as the teacher, and as a person.  Never try to insult someone's intelligence unless you're absolutely sure you can win that sort of battle.  If you tried to get a job with that sort of attitude you would be thrown out faster than you can speak, and I could easily have you tossed out of here, but fortunately I'm going to show more thought than you did and allow you to stay.  You might think you're better than me, but I bet if we compared you'd find out I'm not as dumb as you think...."

At this point I turned to Paul behind me and discreetly mouthed,  "Is he really being serious or funny?"  Paul was wide eyed, "I think he's serious."  I turned back around.  No smirk, no melodrama, for another 5 minutes he went on about how stupid I was to call him stupid, and how I needed to show the class and the instructor more respect if I ever wanted to amount to anything in life and not end up stupid myself.  Then he asked, "Now what did you want to say?"

I don't know if you can guess what I felt.  I was unjustly accused and belittled in front of a class of my peers.  I was obviously misunderstood, and "only a fool takes offense when no offense was intended".  Whatever happened to "And if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone"? (D&C 42:88) Here was a man that I had trusted as my teacher who was slaughtering me, and really had no idea why!

I remembered the quote (which I can't find) "When someone says something horrible, or even untrue about me, I always look first to see if there is an element of truth to what they are saying. Usually I find that there is." What were my words?  I had said that my teacher left clarification off the homework.  I didn't think he would take it personally, but maybe he prided himself on his homework.  Maybe he felt like only a stupid person would leave necessary things off the homework, and he was confident that he had not made such a mistake.  Whether I felt like it was justified or not to him he felt very hurt by my words.

Then I remembered the story of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young.  Apparently Joseph Smith chastised Brigham Young unfairly, and rather than retaliate Brigham simply asked, "What would you have me do?"  It reminds me of the "A soft answer turneth away wrath:" (Proverbs 15:1).   I looked at the professor and said, "I really apologize if my words were offensive.  It was unintentional.  What would you have me to do?"

He responded, "Just tell me what homework problems you needed help on."  I asked one question, which he clarified.  Then he continued his lesson.  I was still pumping with adrenaline, but I managed to sit through the class calmly.  After class several students came to me to make sure I was ok, and I got my other homework questions answered.  They told me this teacher was a coach in his spare time, and he was just that way.  I felt the impulse to say rude things about him, but I made an effort to resist.

Now with time I can look back on the incident and I am so thankful I resisted the desire to lash back.  This professor would not have changed based on my input, but it could have damaged me spiritually to seek revenge.  A story from church history had given me the little extra push I needed to keep control.  These kinds of stories give me the motivation to study more church history because the Lord will help me remember them when I need them.