Baby Shower

There are certain mistakes I had to make before I realized how serious it was.  For example, I know I should never carry a child on my shoulders when the ceiling fan is on.  I know soccer is definitely an outside sport when my wife buys a new vase.  I know love notes should not be done in permanent marker.  And I absolutely know guys do not belong at a baby shower.

When our second child, a baby girl, was about to be born Teasha was given a baby shower.  It's a very exciting time for expecting mothers - they are pampered and praised.  They get gifts and spend hours playing games and talking.  I missed the baby shower for our oldest son, and Teasha asked me if I would consider going to this one.  I said "sure".

Some of the memory is blocked out, but I'll try to recall what I can.


"Ooooooo! Such cute shoes!"
"Awwwwww! That dress is soooo cute!"
"Ooooooo! What darling lace!"

This went on.  And on.  Every woman who came commented on every dress.  There must be some genetic code within the female brain that makes tiny girl clothing irresistible.  Keep in mind these comments must be made in a pitch that is two or three times higher than the normal voice.  Some of them topped out my hearing range.

"Eeeeeee! That is so darling! Widdle bwue bows!"

I don't want you to think I'm callous.  My wife absolutely loved it.  It just wasn't my thing.  I was thinking in my head about how much things cost and wondering whether we would be paying for these gifts with all the baby showers we would attend over the next few years.  I found myself thinking of ways the whole process could be done in half the time, but wisely I kept my mouth shut.  I recognized this was Teasha's party.

They weren't doing the activities and games that I find fun, so it wasn't long before I was wishing I was somewhere else.  The places where I am comfortable says something about myself.  Then I wondered:  Is the kingdom of God a place where I would feel comfortable?  If I was in heaven, would I be bored by service activities and scripture games?  Maybe wicked people aren't in heaven because they don't enjoy celestial life.  If heaven had wicked activities the righteous wouldn't stay.  "But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy." (1 Nephi 15:34).

When the gifts were done the stories began.
"I was in labor for 9 days!"
"It hurt so bad I couldn't sleep for two weeks!"
"My baby has his arm bent and the doctor nearly..."
"Oh yeah, well when my fourth child was born..."

I thought to myself, "why would you share horrible stories when my wife is pregnant?"  There must have been some logic, because my wife enjoyed it.  There was talking, tiny fruit trays were passed around, and a host of discussions on breast feeding, periods, and hair.  I was straining to act like it was no big deal and I forced myself to smile as if I enjoyed the party.

"Can ye imagine yourselves brought before the tribunal of God with your souls filled with guilt and remorse"? (Alma 5;18)  I can only guess what the main topics of interest are in heaven, but if my priorities are not right I won't enjoy listening to the angels.  I believe a lot of discussions will be about families, about learning and growth, and certainly a lot of praise for God and His son Jesus Christ.  I want to make those a priority so that I can be part of the heavenly conversation.

The fact that this wasn't my type of party was obvious to the other women there.  "What do you think of all this?" they would ask me.  "Do you feel like a drop of testosterone in a pool of estrogen?"  What am I supposed to respond with?  "I'll bet you wish you'd stayed home, huh?"  I'm thinking 'Yea, but do you really want me to say?'  I found myself searching for an excuse, and when my wife mentioned something about food I jumped up, "Hey, I think I'll head home and start some dinner so you don't have to worry about it today!"  Once I was outside I felt the relief of freedom.

I suspect when judgement day comes it will not be hard to accept the Lord's decision.  Paul said, "There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.  There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.  So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:" (1 Corinthians 10:40-42)  

What could be more heavenly than discussing the birth of a new child?  The growth of a family and the greatest adventure God grants to man?  Yet I was not comfortable there and wanted to find somewhere I could hide.   My goal is to seek out the things in life that are "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" (Article of Faith 13).  Then I will be comfortable in heaven, and I will want to stay there forever.